Back to the Barre

“This is like Top of the Pyramid for Suckular behavior,” says Christi as things really do suck on "Two Girls, One Solo". First of all, what sicko thought it was ok to name the episode THAT!? There are children here! Second, this episode is easily in Christi's Top 3 worst Dance Mom experiences so you know it's a rough one.Abby preps the next "powerful" group number, one that's dedicated to those living with cancer. It's a subject she cares about deeply, having lost her father to cancer. It hits especially close to home for Melissa who also lost her mother... but for some reason the show also wants to convince you that Kelly's dad died as well? Is this about Kelly's fight with Christi somehow?Meanwhile Abby decides to pit Maddie and Chloe against each other by giving them the same solo to perform. Christi notes this isn't fair to Chloe who isn't receiving secret training the way Maddie is, but Abby could care less. When Abby's little ploy doesn't go as planned, she takes matters into her own hands. Tune-in to hear the full story of what the cameras didn't show.Quotes“Let’s just say Two Girls, One Solo/Two Girls, One Cup… whoever named this is an actual degenerate of society. How dare you name a show with children Two Girls, One Solo. How dare you." (6:02-6:21 | Christi)“We have to take a drink, because I think that is the nicest Abby has ever been to our three kids. Holy shit, and she smiled at me! The apocalypse is coming. Cheers!” (18:46-18:58 | Christi & Kelly)“When Asia was like, ‘My dad’s dog, Diablo, died before I was born,’” I hit the floor. Like I can’t believe [she said that], and she was so sincere about it… She talked about that dying dog before. No, that was her crying because she wanted a puppy and Kristie Ray wouldn’t let her have a puppy; you’re getting your dogs mixed up. Oh, she likes to cry over dogs though.” (45:31-45:58 | Christi & Kelly)“Jill and I found your [Melissa] daughter learning her dance [outside of normal hours] and she was like, ‘Fuck you, you know nothing.’” Because I was like, ‘She learned the dance last week.’” How about Abby going, ‘What difference does it make? You ll know damn well Maddie can learn the dance in one hour and go out there and do it,” … Then why are you teaching her the week before everyone else?!” (54:47-55:07 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

25 Mars 20241h 11min

What could have ticked Kelly off enough to once say, “I always knew in the back of my head that the day would come where Christ would stab me in the back, and you know what? She did...”? If you ask either Kelly or Christi now they'd be hard pressed to give you an answer! It's time once again for Christi and Kelly to be fighting one another for some reason as the second half of "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" just about has everyone up in arms.Jill still believes Kelly is taking the opportunity Abby has given Brooke for granted, but Kelly is still worried about what Abby has in store for her daughter. What she might not have expected was Abby setting Brooke up on a date with her fellow senior dancer Kevin. For all the talk about "No Boys Allowed", Abby sure seems to love to make exceptions.Jill also starts a spat with Cathy as the ALDC arrives at competition, which only manages to worsen Cathy's already fragile state as Anthony has continued to increase tensions over at their own studio. Mickey is strongly considering transferring Gino to the ALDC, and Cathy could seemingly care less whether any of her dancers stick around.But how do Jill and Kelly end up fighting? Are these Bitches still going on about not calling that one time? Somethings never change it seems, though stick around for a rare moment of Abby being unambiguously nice for once!Quotes“[Abby] says I think Kevin could charm the pants off of anyone. He’s quite demure for a teenager. Ok, it is a little unnerving that Abby just said a 17 year old could charm the pants right off of anybody… He’s a minor Abby settle down!" (12:06-12:31 | Christi & Kelly)“I’m in my interview and I say this is the worst fight we’ve ever been in. Are friendship will never be the same after some of these things. You know what’s the funniest part about that? You ready? Neither of us remember this fight.” (21:06-21:22 | Christi & Kelly)“Let’s just drink, Cathy’s gonna wear fur in the next scene. Oh yay. Between Cathy and Jill I’m going to become an alcoholic. Ha, THAT’S the reason.” (28:18-28:27 | Christi & Kelly)“Abby says that they look “leggy” which is good. They were leggy. They were fucking eleven! Eleven year olds are leggy. Their legs are the only part of them that grow.” (40:51-41:00 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

18 Mars 20241h 2min

“I’m ready to shoot myself” is not something you want to hear aloud too often, but this week our beloved Bitches find themselves repeating that A LOT as they struggle to get through what might the first episode to really push them over the edge. "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" is such a wild episode that this recording managed to be almost two hours long and we still only managed to cover half the episode!Abby is unsurprisingly upset with the ALDC after losing again to Cathy and spends Pyramid calling Kendall a crybaby, pretending Nia mad a ton of mistakes for some reason, and somehow complimenting Brooke but still placing her on the bottom. She singles out Paige with praise for standing up to Cathy and Anthony... even though Abby made her do that and still somehow victim blames her for letting it happen?Abby assigns Brooke to the Senior Group to join their upcoming performance. Kelly worries Brooke is being set-up to fail as Brooke hasn't received the same year of prep the rest of the group has had. Jill takes offense to Kelly being "ungrateful" and tattles to Abby about it! And yet somehow Kelly and Christi are the ones who end up in a huge fight about it?!Quotes“I’ll do a reenactment of Chloe when she got home at 2:45 or 3:00 AM. Really?! Yeah. Ugh those bad girls, I wonder where they get that from? I don’t know." (7:57-8:08 | Christi & Kelly)“[Cathy] says Gino has been texting Maddie and Cathy can’t have any of her dancers fraternizing with her enemies. This is stupid. Just making sure that we all think this is stupid. We all think this is stupid? Yeah. Cause like what are they saying to each other?” (29:15-29:31 | Christi)“This could possibly be one of the lines, that if we had to wrap all of the problems up of Dance Moms in one sentence, it could potentially be this line. She’s like you’re skinny, you’re blonde and you’re pretty. You’re telling me no one at school hates you? Wake-up! It’s psychotic!” (43:17-43:38 | Christi)“You take the coffee cup, you [flip it] upside down and are tapping the bottom. And I’m like you get that drip girl, you get that last drip out of there! I fucking rewound it three times. I was laughing so hard and you getting that last drop of “coffee” on your tongue, like I HAVE to chug this coffee cup. It was amazing.” (54:44-55:08 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

11 Mars 20241h 46min

"On a regular Dance Moms episode you drink on a scale from one to five. A reunion is a one to ten scale," says Christi as the Bitches start the 2nd Part of Season 3's reunion special "Tell All". While it might be a pretty easy episode for Christi herself, there's still enough Abby depravity to go around!Kristie Ray joins the discussion and goes on the offensive, taking the other moms to task for complaining about Asia crying. This is confusing to Jill as she professes that none of the moms care that Asia cries, only that they think it's weird it's being showcased as something to be ashamed of and that Asia isn't being held to the same standards as their own children. Abby and Kristie respond to the by calling Chloe a crybaby!Soon Cathy joins the mix and things get heated quickly. Paige opts out of her solo performance so she can avoid dancing in front of Cathy, leading Kelly to take Cathy to task for her recent conduct at competition. Cathy can barely manage to defend herself before getting into an argument with Abby. Professionally speaking Abby doesn't handle it well. Tune-in to see what nice words Abby has for Cathy's mother!Quotes“And did you notice through out the entire thing how much time they spent whispering to each other? No, you pay way too much attention. Well I’m trying to look for the little interesting things in the background so I stop paying attention first of all to my Miss Piggy curls, and second of all to the nonsense happening on stage that makes me want to poke my own eyes out!" (17:05-17:23 | Christi & Kelly)“Abby said the moms all think you and Asia are here for an ulterior motive. She was! She came because she had her own show and they were using our audience to elevate her on her platform!” (27:25-27:37 | Christi)“Jeff asks if [Melissa] is bothered by the fact that Sophia can out-spin Maddie? And at this point Jeff should have been removed from the stage immediately. Not only are you making millions of dollars of our trauma and dancing, but the fact you said spin vs turn? Stop talking.” (52:58-53:15 | Christi)“I cannot believe I’m the only mom who didn’t go to jail. Well I should say the only mom, I don’t think Holly went to jail. Wait…I don’t actually think a lot of people went to jail. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT WENT!” (1:03:59-1:04:09 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

4 Mars 20241h 26min

“This is not an opportunity to set the record straight, HERE is the opportunity now 10 years later to set the record straight,” explains Christi as even when the moms got to explain themselves, they were never REALLY allowed to. Consequently there's no hell for our Bitches quite like a Dance Mom's Reunion episode, and Season 3's "Tell All" is a two parter to make matters worse. It's always an excuse to get everyone riled up, and it riles these moms still a decade later. From the awkward stools the moms had to sit on to the bizarre choices made by hair and make-up, Christi and Kelly each despised the experience. Yet they also somehow managed to completely forget they fought in this episode, and over the same old-nothing argument they'd had earlier this season no less! Well... at least the girl's dances this week were pretty good?Things get off to a rocky start with Abby immediately gunning for both Christi and Kelly, though saving her worst remarks for Chloe that contain a level of indecency that remain unmatched. Melissa and Jill receive softball questions, but Abby chastises Melissa for not allowing her wedding to be public and filmed for the show. Meanwhile Holly discusses Abby's fashion advice, which she admits is genuinely good. It's funny that Abby can't seem to take her own fashion advice, but at least she isn't dressed as badly as Cathy!Quotes“I have deep-seated trauma any time I see anything that even looks like a reunion show. The minute I see a stage I want to vomit. Do you feel that way? Yes, and I want to vomit looking at us." (08:45-08:58 | Christi & Kelly)“She had to make sure [people knew that she had been] verbally assaulted and physically assaulted. But we were only allowed to say she was a bully.” (17:19-17:25 | Christi)“The audience says during the season [that] you said Kelly isn’t very bright. Do you still feel this way? Meanwhile it’s like Melissa did you buy your wedding dress and then this one is like do you think Kelly is a stupid motherfucker?” (37:17-37:29 | Christi)“Anybody who watched this show who thinks that Abby was not a horrible human-being to my daughter, watch that sentence! She said you don’t want me to call her stupid anymore instead of Chloe? I looked up other words: dim, dimwitted, half-wit I got lots of words. You fucking bitch.” (50:35-50:55 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 Feb 20241h 17min

“God, the first statement [of the episode] irritated me” says Kelly as she straps in for "The Mother of All Specials", Dance Mom's own Mother's Day celebration. For a show with plenty of moms you'd imagine the producers could focus in on pretty much any one of them, and yet this is an Abby centric episode. As Abby says, "Whom knows more about being a mother than Abby Lee Miller?" As these Bitches would like to point out, Abby does not have kids! But Abby does have her own mother, Maryen Lorrain Miller, whom she heads out to visit as clips about motherhood from previous seasons play out with new Abby "insights".We would sincerely like to know how much Abby was paid to say nice things, as she laboriously details how caring of a pseudo-mother she has been to the girls of the ALDC. She reframes past events where she was paid to be nice as signs of her benevolence, yet still manages too sprinkle a few insults towards Brooke in there.Quotes“This teacher walked by because we have a director’s lounge…and she had a coffee cup. She walked by and I’m like, “I’m so glad you went to the director’s lounge!” and she looked at me and was like,”You know this isn’t coffee right?” Nobody ever has coffee in those. Fuck no! Not at 2 o’clock at a dance competition are you kidding?" (06:42-07:04 | Christi & Kelly)“They show Melissa pushing Abby in the pool, which I think is the best moment in my life. But did you notice that Melissa is the one they told to push her in the pool, because if I had pushed her into the pool she’d have probably killed me!” (18:07-18:20 | Kelly)“[Abby] says in her interview, “My mother showered her students with love and kindness. She’s a very giving woman and I think I picked up a few of those qualities to!” HA HA! Then they go to the one/only moment Abby ever did anything nice with our kids. And she did not set that up! She didn’t have anything to do with it other than getting paid.” (43:10-43:29 | Christi & Kelly)“I never wanted her to look back and be like, “Oh I didn’t get to go to my 8th grade farewell because you made me work!” Right. And you did do a good job of making sure they did that but it’s funny because it’s like: Well, she might have not gone to her 8th grade farewell, but she went to Teen Choice, you know!” (51:44-52:04 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Feb 20241h 22min

"How does Abby get to call him an ass like that and then acted shocked when he responds back," wonders Christi as things begin to go downhill fast on the second half of "Candy Apple Showdown". With the ALDC arriving at the Masters of Dance Art Invitational, Kelly preps for what remains one of her worst Dance Mom memories.Things get off to a rocky start with Cathy and Vivi M.I.A., so Abby has to start taunting Cathy's Dance Dads instead. But Dance Dad Rick's aggressive response to these gestures proves to be the first of many heated confrontations. Not too long after, Anthony accuses Christi of touching Candy Apples's props and gets a little too handsy. By the time Cathy returns she's making loudly clear with Anthony how poorly she believes Paige is performing during the Kids With Guns group number. Abby, overhearing these jabs, decides to make a spectacle of the situation and informs Paige directly what they were saying about her, and encourages her to stand up for herself.It's a sad state of affairs this week; certainly going to need more than three beers for this episode.Quotes“I knew exactly what it was [that Abby was referencing] and I was like oh I get it! But then I was like, did they show that? I don’t think so. You and I got it but nobody else did. Yeah. Well, story of our lives!” (09:29-09:41 | Christi & Kelly)“Do you feel we always say the same stuff in every episode? Yes. Ok. Yes, yes yes yes.” (19:41-19:46 | Christi & Kelly)“Do [Abby and Cathy] both like get along now? Yeah, but they were not always best friends. That to me is insane that people have the nerve to say that and act like they have authority. How many times did we sit there and have Abby hold up production because she did not want to be on camera with Cathy?” (24:30-24:48 | Christi)“I say in my interview that Paige and I came back because I wanted her to sit in the audience and show the adults that they can’t knock her down. Production made you say that, but go on. Yeah.” (32:30-32:34 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12 Feb 202447min

Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code [BARRE] atLumeDeodorant.com! #lumepodwww.LumeDeodorant.com“This is a drinky episode,” says Christi as she announces drink four only three lines into the first page of the "Candy Apple Showdown" notes. Though Bitch #1 and #2 are both incapable of drinking along this week, unfortunately for them this hulking two hours of an episode was just too much for one sitting, so they best prep themselves for when things get really dicey because The ALDC is back up against Cathy's Candy Apples and things are already off to a bumpy start.Abby's stint hosting The View was fun, but it cut into group rehearsal time with competition only days away. So Abby's focus is of course solos, no need to get that potentially controversial "Kids with Guns" group dance in order! With everyone focusing on solos, Kelly takes Brooke to a music producer to start getting a leg up on her career. Afterwards the moms take all the girls out for ice skating in the city, but ice skating is one of Abby's explicitly prohibited activities and the fallout is something none of the kids want, but comply after undue pressure from the moms (Melissa even makes Maddie cry!).Meanwhile tensions are growing between Kristie Ray and the other moms. First she doesn't allow Asia to skate with the girls and then she starts picking fights with Christie?! Even Cathy's camp is getting into shouting matches with one another! There's only one outcome to all this and it ain't looking pretty.Quotes“I don’t know if I would take Abby’s evaluation of what’s appropriate for children to heart if you’re a parent. I don’t know if I would use that as my barometer.” (09:34-09:42 | Christi)“I really look back on Kristie now with hindsight, because I think in the moment we’re always just so like UGH whenever there’s a new person. I think that you and I could have really befriended her.” (15:56-16:07 | Christi)“I don’t understand why she thought that it was so wrong for a seven year old to cry? I don’t know. Maybe she went to the Abby Lee Miller school of parenting.” (35:37-35:45 | Christi & Kelly)“If you guys had seen that contract you’d die. You weren’t allowed to open candy during a theater performance. You’re not allowed to ice skate, roller skate and god you weren’t allowed to ski. I get skiing, but you weren’t allowed to bike. You weren’t allowed to do anything but dance!” (50:27-50:45 | Christi & Kelly) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Feb 20241h 16min