EP188 - How to Have "The Talk" with Your Child with Dr. Lanae St. John

Welcome to episode 17 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Dr. Lisa Firestone. In this episode, Dr. Firestone talks about the definition of a “Fantasy Bond”, childhood experiences that can affect your sexuality and the need for self-compassion around these issues.  Dr. Lisa Firestone is the Director of Research and Education at The Glendon Association. An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention. Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006), Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice (New Harbinger, 2002), Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003) and The Self Under Siege (Routledge, 2012). In this episode, you will hear:   The definition of a “Fantasy Bond” How common it is for people to experience the Fantasy Bond Repeating destructive behaviours throughout different relationships Being able to experience healthy sexuality without acting out from your past Childhood experiences that can affect your sexuality Identifying if you’re reacting in a fantasy bond as opposed to reacting authentically The need for some people to have certain fantasies to be aroused The importance of being vulnerable with your partner in a relationship Overcoming the shame that not being vulnerable can create Why both partners in a relationship need to be authentic with each other Voice Therapy – How it works and its similarities to Narrative Therapy The need for self-compassion and not be too self-critical  Resources https://www.psychalive.org https://www.sexologypodcast.com lfirestone@glendon.org http://drlisafirestone.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

2 Touko 201731min

Welcome to episode 16 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is the creator of Talk Sex with Me, Tara Spears, LMFT, LMHC. In this episode, Tara talks about ways in which parents can support their children through the journey of sexual discovery, how to navigate the situation of your children discovering pornography and clarifying and communicating your own sexual values to your child. Talk Sex with Me was created by Tara Spears. Ms. Spears graduated with a Master’s Degree in Counselor Education from the University of Central Florida in 2005. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist. She has over ten years of experience working with individuals, children, families and couples encountering a variety of hardships in life. After spending, most of her career responding reactively to situations or intervening after a crisis (i.e. a child’s removal from the home, failed adoption, and the aftermath of abuse), Ms. Spears decided to take a more proactive approach. In this episode, you will hear: How Tara became involved in this line of work The appropriate age for parents to start talking about sex with their children Why parents shouldn’t over-react if they find their children masturbating Ways in which parents can support their children through the journey of sexual discovery Clarifying your own sexual values Communicating those values to your child Knowing the distinction between sexual education and “putting sexual ideas” into your child’s mind How to navigate the situation of your children discovering pornography Making sure pornography doesn’t set their expectation for sex Communicating to younger children if they walk in on their parents having sex The best ways to react if your child becomes pregnant or impregnates someone else Negative connotations in school sex education and how to navigate around this issue For more great content please check out www.sexologypodcast.com   Resources https://talksexwithme.com talksexwme@gmail.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

25 Huhti 201731min

Welcome to episode 15 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is sociologist and sexologist Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus. In this episode, you will hear Dr. Gunsaullus talk about the normality of masturbation and how often people engage in it, positive effects from masturbation and ways in which parents can positively communicate with their children about masturbation. Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, is a frequent speaker about sexual empowerment, healthy relationships, body image, erotic play, sexual consent, sexual health, and mindfulness. She has presented two TEDx Talks, is a writer on sex and relationships, and a recurring intimacy expert on the San Diego morning news. Her In the Den with Dr. Jenn educational video series has over 1.3 million hits on YouTube and she is an expert in the new documentary on masturbation, called Sticky: A (Self) Love Story. In addition, as a martial arts practitioner, she was recently promoted to black belt in Korean karate -- so watch out for this badass doctor! In this episode, you will hear:   The normality of masturbation and how often people do it How it’s normal for children to discover masturbation General concerns people have, is it harmful? How cultural and religious beliefs have negatively impacted people’s views on masturbation Misinformation – No, you can’t go blind from masturbation Positive effects from masturbation, mentally and physically Overcoming shame and embarrassment with meditative masturbation Masturbating in a relationship, does it hurt the relationship? Having open communication with your partner on this issue The psychological effects using toys and vibrators can have Ways in which parents can positively communicate with their children about masturbation How many of our currently held cultural views of masturbation were created in the 19th and 20th century For more great content check out www.sexologypodcast.com  Resources http://www.drjennsden.com http://www.drjennsden.com/meditative-masturbation Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

18 Huhti 201734min

Sexology Podcast EP14 - Sexual Empowerment with Dr. Patti Britton   Welcome to episode 14 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Clinical Sexologist and Sexuality Educator, Dr. Patti Britton. In this episode, Dr. Britton talks about what sexual empowerment entails, how shaming yourself is one of the biggest blocks to sexual pleasure and becoming more authentic and cultivating erotic authenticity.   With over 35 years of experience and pedigreed credentials as a Clinical Sexologist and Sexuality Educator, Dr. Patti Britton has built a reputation as a pioneer of sex coaching. Her methodologies for helping individuals and couples achieve their desired sexual potential are well known among professionals in her industry. As co-founder of SexCoachU, she has trained hundreds of sex coaches throughout the world, spreading her groundbreaking approach to sexual healing. Dr. Patti’s work has been featured on national TV programs, such as The Montel Show, Hard Copy, CNBC, and CBS News. She raised the bar in her field when she published the first book on Sex Coaching, entitled ‘The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice’.   While her methods and unique approach have developed into training other sex coaches, Dr. Patti’s true passion lies in working with individuals and couples to achieve their sexual goals. Whether it’s a desire to heal sexual dysfunction, overcome shame, or deepen an intimate connection, Dr. Patti is at right at home with finding the solution.   In this episode, you will hear:   What sexual empowerment usually entails Sexual actualisation and realisation and the right to feel pleasure Some of the factors that lead to people losing their sexual power and desire How shaming yourself is one of the biggest blocks to sexual pleasure Ways in which to refresh your sex life Clarifying your views around sexuality SAR – Sexual Attitude Reassessment and Restructuring Allowing yourself to enjoy sexual pleasure and masturbation Navigating your value system with your sexual desires Becoming more authentic and cultivating erotic authenticity How things have changed since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey   Resources http://drpattibritton.com http://drpattibritton.com/free-gift-for-her-pleasure/   For more great content please check out www.sexologyposcast.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

11 Huhti 201730min

Welcome to episode 13 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is sex and relationship coach; Pam Costa. In this episode, Pam talks about how she began her journey into educating people about sexuality, the ways in which shame can shape our sexuality and how you can build shame resiliency. After a decade and a half at Apple and Facebook, Pam left her career in high tech to found Down To There to share her real-life stories of challenges and successes around sexuality in her marriage. She hopes that her journey from struggling with sexual desire to a now rich and rewarding sex life can provide an example of how normal issues with desire can be, and how these issues can provide unexpected pathways for increased intimacy and connection. As a Somatica® sex and relationship coach, she enjoys working with individuals and couples of all configurations to explore what is possible emotionally and erotically in their relationships. She is currently accepting and seeing clients over Skype and in-person in her office in Cupertino, CA. She also provides content and guidance for Down To There Circles: free, peer-led discussion groups, where friends can support and inspire each other around sex and relationships. Her ongoing studies include training with San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI), American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT), JFK University's holistic counseling program and the Somatica® Institute. Her writing has been featured on Huffington Post, Mindful and Psyched and she has also spoken at the Wisdom 2.0 and Inman conferences. In this episode, you will hear: How Pam began her journey into educating people about sexuality The ways in which shame can shape our sexuality Body shaming; and how it can affect sex The difficulties in communicating what you want sexually, leading to vulnerability How poor sex education can lead to shaming Not having enough information on sex from our parents The affects religion can have on sex and correct information around sex Mixed messages that children can pick up from their parents about sex Identifying your own shame and figuring out where it came from Being scared to share your shame with your partner Building shame resiliency How shame can affect other things outside of sex; eating disorders, addictions etc. Communicating with your close friends about shame   Resources https://www.downtothere.com For more great content please check out www.sexologypodcast.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

4 Huhti 201736min

Welcome to episode 12 of the Sexology Podcast, today I’m speaking to Natalie Finegood Goldberg, LMFT, CST about the issues surrounding erectile dysfunction. In this episode, Natalie talks about the causes of erectile dysfunction, its physiological and psychological factors contributing to this struggles and steps that can be taken to overcome this issue. Natalie Finegood Goldberg is an AASECT Certified Los Angeles Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC #53017) specializing in sex therapy and psychotherapy. Working with individuals and couples, Natalie offers therapy services at her private practice in Beverly Hills. Previous work experience includes being a staff clinical associate at Center for Healthy Sex in West Los Angeles, as well as having previously worked at Cliffside Malibu, a dual diagnosis inpatient drug and alcohol rehab. Natalie was born and raised in Los Angeles and is familiar with the variety of pressures that come with living in LA.  In addition to her degrees, Natalie has participated in a variety of trainings including a Clinical Sexology training with Dr. Patti Britton, Bridging the Couple Chasm: A Research Based Approach by Drs John and Julie Gottman, and the Sex Addiction Treatment Training Program with Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CSAT-S, CST-S. Natalie completed the rigorous requirements to become a sex therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) under the supervision of Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CSAT-S, CST-S and Dr Tammy Nelson, CST-S. Natalie is trained in EMDR Therapy with advanced training in AF-EMDR (Attachment Focused EMDR) with Dr Laurel Parnell.  In this episode, you will hear: The physical and psychological reasons why erections occur How as men get older they need a mixture of physical and psychological stimulation to get an erection The criteria that needs to be met to be diagnosed with erectile dysfunction How erectile dysfunction is related to all sexual activity, not just for example masturbation The physiological and psychological causes of erectile dysfunction Why men prefer the problem to be physiological How taking Viagra can make things worse if the problem is psychological The effects anxiety can have in relation to erectile dysfunction The impact erectile dysfunction can have on couples / relationships How masturbation and pornography can affect erectile dysfunction Available treatments both medically and psychologically The average time treatments can take The additional benefits mindfulness can bring The importance of communication to help overcome this issue Ways you can regain your sexual energy Understanding that erectile dysfunction is a multi-layered issue that needs ongoing support     Resources http://www.creatingchangela.com natalie@creatingchangela.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

28 Maalis 201733min

Welcome to episode 11 of the Sexology Podcast, today I’m going to talk about 4 myths around sex that I see are very common in my practice. Originally, I wanted to do 13 myths to tie in with the Persian new year but that might have taken a little while to record… So the myths I have chosen are the ones I hear most frequently in my practice, and I hope this episode will shed some light and truth on these myths.   In this episode, you will hear:   Myth 1 – Penis size dictates a woman’s sexual pleasure   The average penis size when erect is around 13cm or anywhere between 9 – 16cm In inches, the average size is from 4.7 to 5.1 inches How the medias idea of 7 inches being the average size is wrong How shame and anxiety come into play because of this myth Research shows that the size of a penis has no true physiological effect on female sexual satisfaction The importance around the perceived size of a man’s penis How men who perceive their penis to be small suffer from sexual confidence Feeling comfortable and confident with your body and penis size to have a good sex life   Myth 2 – How masturbation has destructive consequences physiologically and mentally   Research shows that 60 – 94% of men have masturbated at least once, with 40 – 60% having done it in the last month 43 – 85% of women have masturbated at least once, with 20 – 43% having done it in the last month There’s no known negative consequences physiologically or mentally from masturbation Studies have shown it helps in knowing one’s own needs for sexual pleasure, increased autonomy and body integrity improving self-esteem How the myths of masturbation date back to the 17th century How the majority of people continue masturbating when in a committed relationship   Myth 3 – Men are obsessed with sex and women don’t think about it   There’s no data to support the idea that men think about sex every 7 seconds How this myth puts pressure on men to be overly sexual   Myth 4 – Vaginal sex is the best way for women to reach orgasm   How Freud invented the term “Vaginal Orgasm” without scientific basis Most women can’t reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, they need clitoris stimulation and other kinds of stimulation to reach orgasm How men can get frustrated because they can’t make women reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone     Resources http://oasis2care.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

23 Maalis 201724min

Welcome to episode 10 of the Sexology Podcast, today my guest is Emily Nagoski. In this episode, Emily talks about the dual control model and how sex works in the brain, how attachment with our partners affects our sex life and the societal factors that affect women’s sexuality. Emily is the author of the New York Times bestseller, COME AS YOU ARE: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon & Schuster, 2015). She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware. While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education.  Emily is also the author of three guides for Ian Kerner’s GoodInBed.com: The Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Man, The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, and A Scientific Guide to Successful Relationships, as well as both author and narrator of Come as You Are. A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. She’s funnier in real life (and hardly ever speaks in the third person). In this episode, you will hear:   The dual control model and how sex works in the brain The concept of break and accelerators Sexual relevancy and the importance of context How it’s easier to change our external environments rather than internal Figuring out how to turn of the things that are hitting our sexual brakes Eating disorders; the struggle with self-image How the shame around body shape and size is more harmful than the fat itself Learning to love your partner as their body naturally changes How attachment with our partners affects our sex life Why your brain thinks sex is more exciting at the start of a new relationship Learning to be close with your partner whilst still sexually attracted Societal factors that affect women’s sexuality The taboo of women who love sex, e.g being called a slut Why we shouldn’t live up societies standards for our sexual accelerators and brakes Resources http://www.thedirtynormal.com http://emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

14 Maalis 201729min