Dating Expert: The Brutal Truth About Why You’re Still Single... (and How to Fix It)

This week on Slay The Gatekeeper, I’m joined by Joel Monteleone, dating coach, speaker, and creator of Hot Takes, Hot Dates, the wildly fun, emotionally intelligent singles experience taking Austin by storm! Joel blends emotional intelligence coaching with edgy, practical, and often hilarious dating strategy.
In this episode, he shares the patterns keeping people single, the lies we tell ourselves about “bad dating cities,” and why responsibility, not victimhood, is the real cheat code to love and being loved.
We talk about avoiding self-sabotage, building attraction through polarity, rewiring beliefs about rejection, and how vulnerability and alignment are the foundation of every healthy partnership. Joel also shares his most counterintuitive dating hot takes, why connection isn’t supposed to be so serious, and the mindset shifts that turn modern dating from chaos into opportunity.
If you’ve been attracting the same partners on repeat, feeling stuck on the apps, or wanting a more empowered approach to love, this episode will challenge your assumptions, make you laugh, and give you tools you can use tonight.
01:22 Wanting change vs. acting like it
06:10 Problematic dating cheat codes & why we unconsciously repeat patterns
11:00 The obsession trap
14:55 Don’t be a victim - ownership as the #1 dating cheat code
18:45 Where to actually meet high-quality partners (and why “the proper” isn’t it)
22:40 “Pay for your friends”
26:05 Be hot and make your bag
30:50 Why modern self-development culture killed fun (and how Joel brings it back)
34:55 Polarity 101: how masculine/feminine energy shapes attraction
48:10 tatistics don’t apply to you
About Joel Monteleone
Joel Monteleone is a dating coach, speaker, and the creator of Hot Takes, Hot Dates, a bold new offline experience helping singles ditch the awkwardness and rediscover connection through comedy, play, and emotional intelligence. With a background in EI coaching, Joel specializes in helping high-achieving men and women break out of victim stories, build authentic confidence, and create relationships rooted in clarity, intentionality, and fun.
Connect with Joel:

📱Instagram: @joel_monteleone
💼 LinkedIn: Joel Monteleone
📱Instagram: @hottakeshotdates
🎫 Get your ticket: posh.vip/e/hot-takes-hot-dates-austins-most-fun-singles-event
Stay connected with me
📧 Contact: courtney@smoothmedia.co
👍 Instagram: @courtlynnjohnson
💼 LinkedIn: Courtney Johnson
🎶 TikTok: @courtney..johnson