Sex Communication: If You’re Not Talking, You’re Guessing (ft. Elizabeth Ashford)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with certified holistic sex educator and Beyond the Beez founder Elizabeth Ashford for a deeply practical, funny, and no-BS conversation about talking during sex—and why silence, shame, and faking orgasms are some of the biggest barriers to good sex. From dirty talk and giving direction to toys, lube, boundaries, aftercare, and post-sex debriefs, this episode is a masterclass in how communication transforms intimacy, pleasure, and connection.

In this episode, Alexa and Elizabeth discuss:

• Why silence during sex creates insecurity and confusion
• Dirty talk vs simply communicating during sex
• Using your voice for pleasure, direction, and curiosity
• Why most people struggle to talk during sex
• Cultural shame, lack of sex education, and sexual confidence
• Finding your sexual voice and understanding your desires
• Why dirty talk looks different for everyone
• Trauma, shame, BDSM experience, and comfort levels with dirty talk
• Blending dirty talk with practical direction
• Giving feedback without killing the mood
• Starting with positive reinforcement before giving direction
• How safety makes sexual communication easier
• How faking orgasms reinforces bad sex habits
• Why honesty leads to better long-term sex
• The orgasm gap and why penetration alone isn’t enough
• Why partners need to genuinely care about your pleasure
• Oral sex as a baseline expectation, not a bonus
• “Non-eaters” as a dealbreaker
• Curiosity as the foundation of good sex
• Sex worth having vs sex worth avoiding
• Starter phrases for people new to dirty talk
• Keeping dirty talk simple and natural
• Compliments during sex and feeling desired
• Post-sex communication and debriefing
• Aftercare beyond cuddling
• Talking about what worked and what didn’t
• Porn, audio erotica, and learning language for desire
• Erotic menus and yes/maybe/no frameworks
• Borrowing phrases instead of reinventing dirty talk

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beducate.me/pd2602-alexa

Thank you Splash Blanket for keeping me and my guests cozy ◡̈