Becky Holmes on Romance Scams

What lies behind Romance Fraud? Romance fraud is one of the fastest-growing forms of fraud worldwide, and one of the most emotionally devastating. It’s also one of the most misunderstood.

On this episode, I’m speaking to Becky Holmes, author of the bestselling book Keanu Reeves Is Not in Love With You. Becky didn’t become interested in romance fraud through victimhood or research. She stumbled into it during the pandemic after being approached by scammers online — and instead of ignoring them, she decided to wind them up.

What began as a joke — sending absurd messages, inventing ridiculous scenarios, and pushing scam scripts to breaking point — turned into something much more serious. Through humour, Becky uncovered the psychological mechanics of romance fraud: how trust is built, how isolation and gaslighting work, and why believing you’re “too smart to fall for it” is often the most dangerous belief of all.

In this conversation, we explore why laughing at scammers is not the same as blaming victims, why romance fraud closely mirrors patterns seen in abusive relationships, and why shame — not stupidity — keeps people trapped. We also talk about humour as a gateway to learning, the limits of victim-focused storytelling, and the uncomfortable truth that none of us are immune. This is a funny conversation in places. And then it isn’t.

This is not the first time the Human Risk Podcast has explored romance fraud. On a previous episode, I spoke with Anna Rowe, a victim of romance fraud, about the profound emotional and psychological impact of being deceived by someone you believed you loved.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why romance fraud is a psychological scam, not a technical one
• How humour can expose manipulation without mocking victims
• The striking parallels between romance fraud and abusive relationships
• Isolation, gaslighting, and shame as tools of control
• Why “it would never happen to me” is such a dangerous belief
• The role of AI, deepfakes, and evolving scam tactics
• Why fraud literacy matters — and why people don’t seek it out until it’s too late
• The emotional cost of online exposure and harassment
• What institutions, platforms, and society still get wrong about fraud

Guest Profile
Becky Holmes is an author, speaker, and writer specialising in fraud, online manipulation, and digital harm. Her first book, Keanu Reeves Is Not in Love With You, explores the world of romance fraud through humour, storytelling, and lived experience.

Her second book, The Future of Fraud, examines how scams are evolving in a world shaped by AI and digital identity.

Links and resources

• Becky’s first book Keanu Reeves Is Not in Love With You - https://share.google/fKQ6qCL1l8Ygl1ey2
• The Future of Fraud her second (out April 2026) - https://share.google/fKQ6qCL1l8Ygl1ey2
  
  
• Becky on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckyholmeshatesspinach/
  
  
• Becky on Instagram: Becky Holmes (@deathtospinach)
  
  
• Becky on Twitter/X: https://x.com/deathtospinach?
  
  
• Becky’s book agent profile: https://www.curtisbrown.co.uk/client/becky-holmes
  
  
• Previous Human Risk Podcast episode with Anna Rowe on being a victim of romance fraud: https://www.humanriskpodcast.com/anna-rowe-on-romance-scams/

AI-Generated Timestamped Summary
00:00 – Why romance fraud matters
Christian explains why the podcast is returning to romance fraud, linking this episode to an earlier conversation with victim Anna Rowe (linked in the show notes).

02:00 – How Becky Holmes got into romance fraud
Becky describes how being approached by scammers during lockdown — and deciding to wind them up — accidentally turned into deep expertise.

05:00 – When jokes expose the script
Absurd replies, fake crime scenes, and the moment Becky realised scammers weren’t reading messages, just following scripts.

09:00 – Laughing at scammers, not victims
Why humour can highlight manipulation without blaming those who fall victim — and how the book shifts from comedy to something much darker.

14:00 – Romance fraud as psychological abuse
The parallels with abusive relationships: isolation, gaslighting, shame, and why people stay, return, or fall again.

21:00 – “It would never happen to me”
Why believing you’re too smart to fall for romance fraud is often the biggest risk of all.

28:00 – What the media gets wrong
Victim-focused storytelling, ignored systems, and why AI, deepfakes, and scam scripts matter more than headlines.

36:00 – Fraud literacy and prevention
Why people don’t seek out information about fraud until it’s too late — and how humour can be a gateway to awareness.

45:00 – The personal cost of online exposure
Online harassment, cyberflashing, and the emotional toll of spending years inside the systems you’re critiquing.

55:00 – What’s next for Becky
Upcoming books, speaking work, and where to find her online.