Sexual Confidence and How to Talk About What Turns You On (With Dr Tara)

It's no secret talking about sex can be awkward – that is, if you get round to doing it at all. But what with a lack of sex education, the fact that pleasure for women and LGBTQ+ people is basically completely ignored, and not to mention the rise of conservatism, it can be almost impossible to know what to say and how to describe your pleasure.

That's where sexual confidence is crucial. This week, we're joined by Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, the dating expert on Channel 4's Celebs Go Dating, host of the Luvbites podcast, and professor of sexual and relational communication to to help us build the vocabulary for talking about sex, desire, and pleasure — but without the cringe, don't worry.

We start with a conversation about how sexual confidence shows up outside the bedroom, how it's different from sexual self-esteem, and what you can actually do to feel more confident expressing your desires (hint: practice helps). Dr Tara then talks us through her sexual profile quiz. A part of her recent book How Do You Like It? A Guide for Getting What You Want (In Bed) the quiz offers 16 sexuality 'types' – or rather, practical terms you can use to communicate with your partner.

Whether you're new to having sex, exploring your pleasure, or just talking about it with your partner, we're here to offer some hope! With a little time, effort, and introspection, learning how to describe what turns you on is possible, and it can take you from having someone touch nowhere near your clit (not speaking from experience or anything...) to multiple, mind-blowing orgasms.

We hope you enjoy the episode. If you want to hear more from Dr Tara, you can follow her on Instagram or TikTok. She has a ton of resources available on her website, and her book is available to buy at major retailers like Amazon, Barnes and Noble (US) and Waterstones (UK). Go check it out!

To share your own experiences with talking about sex, you can get in touch with us on Instagram or TikTok, our website, email us at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. Two podcast episodes a month not enough for you? Fairsies, but don't worry – you can subscribe to our Substack for bonus episodes, exclusive articles about sex and relationships, and a subscriber-only chat to get all the tea on our sex and dating lives.

⏩ Had enough of me yapping? Skip to 14m50 to hear my interview with Tara.

📖 For some extra reading, you can find the Cosmopolitan article I mention here (you'll need an Apple News subscription, FYI). Read Sextras Magazine's profile of Dr Tara here.

Hosted by Honey Jane Wyatt

Music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.