When "I Understand" Can Hurt And Why: Healing the Wound of Unvalidated Grief

When "I Understand" Can Hurt And Why: Healing the Wound of Unvalidated Grief

In this solo episode, therapist and host Malisa Hepner unpacks why grief can feel so activating when someone says they "understand" your loss—especially when comparisons miss the mark. She explores how these moments often trigger deep neglect wounds and a fear that our pain isn't being seen or honored. Rather than staying in victimhood or demanding external validation, Malisa invites listeners into a more grounded truth: our pain does not need to be validated by others to be real. Through compassionate reflection, she shares how healing begins when we recognize our triggers, take responsibility for our inner safety, and learn to validate ourselves—without minimizing the depth of our grief, or others.

  • Notice the trigger: when you feel invalidated, name the neglect wound being activated.

  • Release victimhood by separating your pain from others' capacity to understand it.

  • Practice self-validation: affirm the reality and depth of your grief without comparison.

  • Create internal safety by meeting your pain with compassion before seeking it externally.

Subscribe to Emotionally Unavailable's Patreon!

  • $3-Become a friend of the show and support its mission

  • $5-Ad free episodes

  • $10-Benefits listed above and free access to monthly workbook

  • $30- In addition to the above benefits, you can receive recurring ad space on episodes posted outside of Patreon. (Perfect for single owner/operator small business looking for low budget ad space)

https://patreon.com/Emotionallyunavailablepodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Want to be a guest on Emotionally Unavailable? Send Malisa Hepner a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1739504718415772259d92bc1

https://linktr.ee/Mdhepner

Contact Jen Taylor: jentaylorfani@gmail.com Jen Taylor Insta, Jen Taylor Books

Jaksot(289)

Episode 16: Selectively Safe

Episode 16: Selectively Safe

Hello, Hello Hello! Welcome to episode 16! Suz, the Okie Wax Queen/Best damn aestetician in Oklahoma, is here with us today! I love her sweet soul and hope you do, too!

3 Kesä 20241h 1min

Episode 15: Anonymously Unavailable With Jane Doe - Session 1

Episode 15: Anonymously Unavailable With Jane Doe - Session 1

Meet Jane Doe, as she will be anonymously, unavailably, available to us on Fridays. She is one of my oldest and closest friends and I'm so happy you all are getting a chance to meet her. Enjoy!

31 Touko 202456min

Episode 14: The Power Within...

Episode 14: The Power Within...

Oh, ya'll ain't ready for this. Kiana is a wave maker -  a world changer- a certified B. A. B. We still working on our audio issues so we had a little of that but man, don't let that stop you from tak...

29 Touko 20241h 7min

BONUS EPISODE: MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS (HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIE)

BONUS EPISODE: MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS (HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIE)

I started this episode as a way to be emotionally available and intimate about my feelings related to my brothers mental illness (Schizophrenia). It lead me down the road of visiting my own path of me...

28 Touko 202429min

Episode 13: A Little Sugar, A Lot Of Spice

Episode 13: A Little Sugar, A Lot Of Spice

Meet Shane! We had a fun little talk about being direct (blunt), saying what we feel and what we need, and how to move in a way that honors our most authentic self and our inner most needs. I hope you...

27 Touko 202444min

Episode 12: POV

Episode 12: POV

Man, could I identify with Tina's struggles. That's the thing, we are all dealing with something inside of ourselves. I hope that this episode helps you to start to understand your insides just a litt...

24 Touko 202453min

Episode 11: Past, Present, Future

Episode 11: Past, Present, Future

Meet Chad of N/T Performance. I love his redemption story and how he chooses, daily, to overcome his past. Join our discussion and hear his hopes for the future.

22 Touko 202447min

Episode 10: Maybe, Maybe not...

Episode 10: Maybe, Maybe not...

My conversation with Jessie brings up some really interesting points worth exploring. Man, our moms really messed us up lol. Enjoy!

20 Touko 20241h 6min

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