The DEAR MAN Skill: Clear Is Kind

In this episode, we jump into the famous DBT skill we all know and love called DEAR MAN . The foundation of assertive communication. This skill is all about learning how to ask for what you need clearly, calmly, and effectively, without guilt, aggression, or people-pleasing. Before breaking down the steps of DEAR MAN, we explore what assertiveness truly is, and what it isn’t. Assertiveness isn’t being demanding or confrontational, and it’s not staying silent to keep the peace. It’s about communicating with clarity and respect, while staying connected to your Wise Mind.

We walk through each part of the DEAR MAN framework and explain how to apply it in real-life situations so you can increase your chances of getting your needs met . This skill helps you feel more confident the next time you need to make a request, set a boundary, or say no.

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Crisis Support

This space may include discussions that bring up strong emotions or difficult topics. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, please know you're not alone and support is available.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, we encourage you to reach out to:

Lifeline – 13 11 14 (24/7)

Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636

13YARN – 13 92 76 (A 24/7 national support line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people)

Emergency Services – 000 (if you are in immediate danger)

Acknowledgment of Dr. Marsha M. Linehan and the Origins of DBT

We honor Dr. Marsha M. Linehan, psychologist and professor who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

It’s thanks to Dr. Linehan that DBT has become a proven intervention for a range of mental health challenges.

Wise Mind A DBT Podcast gratefully acknowledges that DBT is Dr. Linehan’s work, not ours, and we honor her legacy.