Raising Neurodivergent Teens in a Sexualised World: Conversations About Consent, Porn, and Identity with Cath Hakanson

When you’re parenting an autistic or ADHD tween through puberty, sex education can feel like one more overwhelming thing you’re supposed to “get right” - without ever having been shown how. Today, Cliff talks with sexologist and late‑diagnosed autistic mum Cath Hakanson about what real‑world sex ed looks like in neurodivergent families: awkward, imperfect, and built from dozens of tiny, everyday moments. Cath shares how to be approachable, why neuro diverse kids often miss the unspoken rules around dating, consent, and boundaries, and how to use TV shows, music, and video games to gently teach about bodies, relationships, and porn. They explore the push‑pull of wanting to protect your child from hurt while knowing you have to loosen control and why your own uncomfortable history of “the talk” can actually make you a better guide. EPISODE REVEALS Giving your children information about sex is not going to be seen by them as giving them permission to have sex or make them over sexualised. Neurodivergent kids often miss the in‑between social cues, so sex ed must spell out subtext, boundaries, and body signals explicitly. Most teens will roll their eyes and shut you down when you talk about sex -that’s normal. You need to be gently persistent. Lots of everyday chats slowly sink in, so that when it really matters, they know they can come to you. Spending time having fun, enjoying the same shows, music and video games creates more opportunities to talk about, love, sex, and relationships e.g. a relationship in a show. Talking openly about porn and sexualised media, before and after kids see it, reduces shame and helps them make informed choices. Gradually loosening tech controls and life boundaries, rather than suddenly removing them, supports safer independence. BEST MOMENTS "As a parent, we have to be persistent. We've got to keep trying." "You would then think that talking about sex would make kids be more sexualized, but it actually sort of has a reverse effect, if anything, it sort of protects kids ." "Be askable. You're letting kids know, even though they're not responding half the time they still know you are willing and able to talk about this stuff." ABOUT THE GUEST https://sexedrescue.com RESOURCES Cliff´s book What To Do When Your Child Shuts Down - ⁠⁠https://amzn.eu/d/3trk6pw CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here - https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/