77: Let’s Talk About Sex (When We’re Not Having It or Enough of It)

Salt-N-Pepa had it right in 1990…
“Let’s talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”

It’s also important to talk about sex when we’re not having it — or not having enough of it.

This episode explores the complexities of mismatched sex drives in relationships, and why the difference itself is often less of a problem than the meaning couples attach to it. From our own experiences and the work we’ve done with clients, we share three things we know to be true:

• People have different sex drives and desires for intimacy

• The difference itself usually isn’t the problem — it’s how couples interpret it

• Talking about it gives the relationship a much better chance

When partners want different amounts of sex, it can quickly lead to resentment, pressure, and painful assumptions about attraction, love, and unmet needs.

In this conversation, we explore how these dynamics develop and why communication, understanding, and creative solutions are essential for maintaining intimacy and connection.

We also get personal, sharing how differences in desire show up in our own relationship — including how menopause and pain have impacted Tara’s desire and what she’s been exploring to navigate that.

Along the way, we discuss concepts like responsive desire and how understanding different desire styles can shift the conversation.

We also share practical tools and conversation approaches couples can use to move away from the blame game and toward solutions that honour both partners’ needs — whether they’re in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships.

Chapters:

00:00 - Understanding Different Sex Drives

02:42 - Navigating Relationship Dynamics

05:29 - The Importance of Communication

08:22 - Resentment and Its Roots

11:12 - The Role of Internal Narratives

13:59 - Breaking the Silence on Sex

16:44 - Building Trust Through Open Dialogue

22:52 - Exploring Non-Monogamy as a Solution

25:14 - The Importance of Communication in Relationships

26:18 - Redefining Intimacy Beyond Sex

28:04 - Tools for Reestablishing Intimacy

30:35 - Understanding Desire Styles

34:29 - Finding Solutions Together

38:47 - Final Thoughts on Navigating Desire Differences

Show Resources:

• Episode: Can an Open Relationship Save My Marriage - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7o3meUcbbNdcfb4S1I7vbq?si=vT-9MhXkSDGgS-0mnbgFQw
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation. https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre
• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer