83: Carversations: Anxiety, Jealousy & When Our Brains Make Sh*t Up

“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” — Mark Twain

How often do we create an entire story about what might happen and then experience the anxiety as though it’s already happening?

We’re back with another carversation. 🚗 These are unscripted conversations we record while travelling the world!

This is one of two episodes we recorded while road-tripping through Morocco in June 2026. We had some mic issues and have done our best to correct the audio, however there are some spots where it isn’t perfect. We hope the conversation will make it worthwhile for you!

We start with a real-life moment from our trip. Tara thought she’d put the wrong location into the GPS and, with only 15 minutes left to our destination, suddenly thought we might have another two hours of driving ahead of us instead. Spoiler: we didn’t. But the anxiety she felt in that moment was very real, and André’s response was exactly what she needed.

That gets us talking about what happens when anxiety takes over, what we can do to manage it in the moment, and how we can respond when we notice it showing up in our partners. What actually helps? What doesn’t? And why doesn’t reassurance always land the way we intend it to?

And yes, even as a coach and a therapist who help other people navigate this stuff, sometimes we still have to figure out how to coach our damn selves through it.

From there, we bring the conversation into relationships, particularly the anxiety and jealousy that can surface when opening a relationship or navigating consensual non-monogamy.

What happens when our brains take uncertainty and turn it into “If my partner meets someone else, they might leave me”? And what if we could shift that story to “My partner can connect with other people and continue to choose me”?

We talk about the stories underneath jealousy, strategies for managing anxiety when it shows up, and how clear relationship agreements based on our values, using our Values-Based Relationship Agreement Model™, can help create security without trying to control every possible outcome.

In this episode, we also cover:

• Practical strategies for managing anxiety in the moment
• How to respond when you sense your partner is feeling anxious

• Jealousy and anxiety when opening a relationship
• Future forecasting and imagining worst-case scenarios
• Reframing what it means to be chosen by a partner

Because knowing the tools doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with this stuff too. Sometimes we just have to remember to use them on ourselves.

Show Resources:

• We love travelling using Home Exchange as it allows us to stay in amazing places in exchange for our home - use this link to get 250 bonus points when you sign up (that's a 2 night stay in most places)- ⁠https://www.homeexchange.com/?sponsorkey=taraandandre-cbef0 ⁠
• Check out our episode we recorded while on our East Coast road trip in the Summer of 2025 - Carversations: Travelling When Polyamorous or Open - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5KIL4RSyr4T7sZymJLjxbD?si=mZsxR5oiSyCE2iZRSIcTNA
• Addressing Worry - The Worry Tree and Other Methods - https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/tackling-your-worries/
• The Thought Model / Life Coaching Model - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnWfkWaNQuA

• Another Thought Model article with examples - https://simplysquaredaway.com/the-model/
• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠

• New and looking to build a secure foundation? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

• Looking for therapy? Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠