SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

It's no secret that in the pantheon of the LGBT spectrum, bisexual people are looked down upon, told they don't really exist, avoided in dating life. Bisexuals also often feel less pressure to come out, as they can so easily pass as one side or the other. Paradoxically, this leads to bi invisibility and erasure, so we discuss, and make an attempt to deconstruct this in today's episode of Life on the Swingset, along with Dr. Liz Powell, Mike Joseph, Cooper, and Dylan.

Today's episode of Life on the Swingset is sponsored by Better Than the Hand, a website that aims to deconstruct stigma and toxicity surrounding male sexuality and masturbation through articles, blogs, toy reviews, and an online store. We're also sponsored by Castle Megastore, a one stop shop with everything you could want, from wand vibrators, to harnesses, to lube and condoms, to a complete suite of BDSM equipment including sex furniture. If you use the promo code SWINGSET at check out you can save 20% on your order.

National Coming Out Day was a pretty big deal for Cooper this year. He discussed his reasons as coming out, specifically to his conservative family, as someone who has struggled with his sexuality and is still working through it, and why he chose not to identify to them as queer, even though he specifically identifies with queer.

The conversation moves to reasons why not to come out, whether because livelyhood may be jeopardized (as in Dr. Liz's relaying of her experience of being in the army before Don't Ask Don't Tell was fully repealed), or child custody may be revoked, or any other reason to stay in the closet.

Mike posits that many people aren't all open to themselves (as with straight identified men who still seek men), and mentions that even being the out partner in a gay couple has stress that comes with it.

The panel talks specifically about ways that people specifically disappear bisexuality, telling men who identify as bi that they are gay and they haven't admitted it yet (bi now, gay later), or that bisexual people, because so much effort has been exerted to create the separate gay identity that having a bridge between those identities, muddy the waters.

To Dr. Liz, the conflict presents differently as women, that there's a "penis phobia" that can exist so that bi women who have sex with men are tagged as higher risk because there is less transmission risk between women who only have sex with women. Dr. Liz also takes time to lament the fact that before she got her "super stereotypical queer haircut" everyone assumed she was straight, but now that she has it, everyone assumes she's gay!

Mike brings up that at many events he attends, almost every woman identifies as bisexual even though most men identify as straight, even if they later identify as curious or fluid, and that it may be a holdover from the aids crisis in that if you identified as bi or gay you were automatically more likely to get infected. Dr. Liz adds that there's a challenge to masculinity involved, and that men who identify as straight but still fuck men create a safe space to sexually express themselves without the stigma of challenging that masculinity, and that any question as to why that man may marry a woman even if he fucks men doesn't get asked. Dylan brings up that many bi woman in monogamous relationships get the same challenge, and they get questions as to why they "even bother" identifying as bisexual if they're marrying a man, because they'll never get to do anything about their attraction to women. Dr. Liz mentions that bisexuals get misidentified sexually based on the genitals they're interacting with as opposed to their actual preferences.

Dylan asks about the pansexual label, and whether people identifying as pansexual get to skip some of the bisexual stigma or confusion... but gets that thought dismissed as most people outside of the queer community would just not understand what it is. He follows up with a questions about whether bisexual men are seen as, as dangerous as bisexual women are to "the husbands" of straight women in monogamous relationships and... yes. Mike, as a queer man, has had his male friends told by their female partners not to hang out with them or has had his male friends' sexuality questions because of their desire to be friends with him.

Cooper mentions that whenever you present an alternative to traditional heteronormative nonmonogamy to people who actively try not to look into and not think about it, that anyone with predispositions to something other than traditional heteronormative may show interest and that's dangerous.

Dylan compares it to Doctor Who weeping angels and... pretty much stuns everyone into silence, and into a little bit of weeping.

After a break, Dr. Liz discusses ideas to help with bi erasure, whether thinking about the bi celebrities you know (and with say, Anna Paquin being bi but being identified as straight because she's married to a man), and that when you meet someone you really only have one datapoint, and to stay open.

We talk about attraction, and how you don't necessarily need to identify the way your attraction takes you, because it's ok to explore fantasy, explore the juiciness of, and even still decide to act it out without identifying as your attraction.

Fantasy doesn't have to be the same as reality. And your fantasies do not define your sexuality in practice https://t.co/y1WvtgZtx1

— Liz Powell, Psy.D (@sexpospsych) October 26, 2016

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Dr. Liz Powell

Jaksot(431)

An Edible Sized Multiorgasmic Nonejaculatory Minisode – Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-10 (Part 2)

An Edible Sized Multiorgasmic Nonejaculatory Minisode – Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-10 (Part 2)

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     There is an overall lack of research of what it means to feel loved and how people experience love. Luckily, The CSUF Queer Lab at California State University, Fullerton, understands this and has undertaken a project called the CSUF Love Project. They're looking for individuals at least 18 years old that have been/are currently in a consensual non-monogamous relationship! That means the swingers, the polyamorous, the open, and hopefully you! Your background, your sexuality, your identity, your experiences all matter and they'll contribute to a better understanding of love, relationships, and sex. Visit tinyurl.com/loveproj-t to enter the study!   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and   If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro and Outro Music: Riot – Take That (Bonus Track)

1 Kesä 202019min

A Sensual Snowball Behind My Back – Friday Night Delights 2020-04-10 (Part One)

A Sensual Snowball Behind My Back – Friday Night Delights 2020-04-10 (Part One)

Another night in April, another Friday Night Delights! Dylan, Ginger, and The Professor get together and talk butt stuff, pins in clits, drinks and edibles, and somehow find ways to come to profound understandings of each other in the current context of the world. Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   There is an overall lack of research of what it means to feel loved and how people experience love. Luckily, The CSUF Queer Lab at California State University, Fullerton, understands this and has undertaken a project called the CSUF Love Project. They're looking for individuals at least 18 years old that have been/are currently in a consensual non-monogamous relationship! That means the swingers, the polyamorous, the open, and hopefully you! Your background, your sexuality, your identity, your experiences all matter and they'll contribute to a better understanding of love, relationships, and sex. Visit tinyurl.com/loveproj-t to enter the study! Intro and Outro Music: Ellis feat. Maribelle – Don't Say Ur Sorry Interstitial Music: CloudNone & Direct – Mojito Interstitial Music: Direct – Left Behind

28 Touko 20201h 3min

The Hangover - The Krazy Winter Nights Steakhouse Postshow

The Hangover - The Krazy Winter Nights Steakhouse Postshow

Dylan, Cooper, Ryan, and Ginger found their way out into the frozen landscape of Omaha in January in search of meat, tantalizing steaks that is. During this Swingset field trip during Krazy Winter Nights, the foursome relaxes into a feast paired with cocktails and delicious conversation. Recording on location at the steak house means just like there is always a swing available on the Swingset, there is a seat for you at the table. Cheers! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Pre-roll Music: Cloudnone – Wish Intro and Outro Music: Gareth Emery feat. Kovic – Somebody

23 Touko 20201h 26min

Don't Invest in the Rest, Invest in... the Sex. Also Malört. - Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-03, Part 3

Don't Invest in the Rest, Invest in... the Sex. Also Malört. - Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-03, Part 3

Our April 3rd Friday Night Delights with the Swingset has proven quite fertile. Mr. and Mrs. H (@BedHoppersUK) sign off after fucking while podcasting while Tonia (@tonia_swingset) signs on. Dylan (@DylantheThomas / @DylantheThomas@Swingset.Social), Lunabelle (@Ninjasexology) and Bradford, Angela, and Ian the Gentlemen (@BytheBiPodcast) reminisce about good times at Desire 2019 (and a desire for a 2020), the purity of Kentucky straight(?) bourbon, event organizing and people who run and produce conferences… it's a wild end to a wild night. "We've had a lot of drinks" – Mr. H "Shocker" – Bradford "It's like two in the morning for us, we're doing well! We did a full interview with a couple we want to fuck and we drank a lot of drinks and we can't see anybody because of the quarantine." – Mr. and Mrs. H "Yeah that sucks". – Ian the Gentlemen "I don't have a dad bod, I have a father figure." – Bradford, on putting on a little while in quarantine "How much will you pay me to not answer that?" – Lunabelle, to her children *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Sabai and Komode – Save You Outro Music: Conro – Thrill of It

2 Touko 20201h 15min

SS 377: Shaving with Straight Razors and Podcasting HARDER, Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-03, Part 2

SS 377: Shaving with Straight Razors and Podcasting HARDER, Friday Night Delights – 2020-04-03, Part 2

Our April 3rd Friday Night Lights with the Swingset episode continues featuring Dylan Thomas, Mr. and Mrs. H (The Bedhoppers), Angela, Bradford and Ian (By the Bi), and Lunabelle. Out of this group of seven, one and a half adults appear. "GO ON, PODCAST HARDER" – Mr. H "It's my goal to get married couples fighting." – Dylan Thomas "I shave my balls every week." – Mr. H "With a straight razor!" – Bradford "Actually I like to use a bi razor." – Ian, The Gentlemen "I thought bi erasure was bad! 🙁 " – Mr. H *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Conro – The Small Things Outro Music: FLWR – Bust It Out

30 Huhti 202047min

The British Commonwealth Bidet Invasion - Friday Night Delights - 2020-04-03

The British Commonwealth Bidet Invasion - Friday Night Delights - 2020-04-03

Today's episode was recorded live in front of a Patron supporter live audience! As part of our Friday Night Delights series, Mister and Mrs H, Angela, Bradford, and Ian The Gentlemen joined Dylan for an accidental pre-show for our regularly scheduled Friday Night Delights episode on April 3rd, 2020. It's possible we've hit peak anus, Enjoy!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Rogue – Move Me  Outro Music: Bad Computer – Riddle

24 Huhti 202057min

Connection and Love During Unprecedented Times - Friday Night Delights with the Swingset

Connection and Love During Unprecedented Times - Friday Night Delights with the Swingset

Ginger Bentham and Dylan Thomas get together with Swingset patrons to connect about connection, both with the people around us and in our communities. In uncertain times, we're making changes to keep ourselves and others safe from COVID-19 while still finding ways to be human to each other… and kind to ourselves. They also get high and discuss the inflation in the dick and fart joke economy.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro and Outro Music: Koven – Your Pain

1 Huhti 20201h 18min

Unf_ck Your Polyamory with Dr. Liz and Kevin Patterson

Unf_ck Your Polyamory with Dr. Liz and Kevin Patterson

Dylan and Ginger host Kevin Patterson and Dr. Liz Powell to discuss their new educational project: Unf_ck Your Polyamory. Whether it is relating to metamours, balancing time with partners, or communication, communication, communication, sustaining fulfilling polyamorous relationships requires a commitment to personal growth. Kevin and Dr. Liz are here to help!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro, Interstitial, and Outro Music: Protostar feat. Emma McGann – Overdrive

29 Maalis 20201h

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