SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs
Life on the Swingset - The Swinging & Polyamory Podcast12 Elo 2018

SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

Tonight's Gang Bang the Mailbag is the crew's 37th, and they're doing it in force! Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Dirty Lola, Mister Pent, and Dr. Liz Powell get together to answer your questions! You can send them questions to answer by calling 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464) or sending them an email!

Question 1:

I have recently come to the conclusion there is not a God or at least not the way we see god in most major religions and it was freeing. My husband and I started talking about sex and fantasies and I even tried some of the BDSM stuff but the idea of becoming submissive and giving up my free will even for pretend makes me angry and that stuff makes me want to cry and is the complete opposite of a turn on. I know much of it comes from realizing I was told my WHOLE life I had to be submissive to a man and that he was the head of the household an I am sure you have heard this.

My husband really wants to try pet play. I am not judgmental and I keep trying to encourage him to keep looking for someone to act this fantasy out with. He wants me to do it but even watching the videos makes me feel extremely upset especially if they have sound and are barking orders at their pets. I don't find it disrespectful for him to want to engage in this what I do find disrespectful is for him to expect me to somehow learn to enjoy it.

He seems to think I will come around like I did with other things like anal sex which I was very against until I took god out of my live entirely and realized it was not a sin. After that it was painful and he thought it was emotional then I heard an episode of swingset that helped me realize the initial pain would go away if i could relax but I always have a little pain. Ever since then he seems to think if I just keep doing something I will eventually learn to like it. He even tries to do things like tell me to sit while I am already sitting and feed me a "treat." I can't stand it and I have told him so and he just keeps doing it or variations of it. I will put on kitty ears or puppy ears and play dress up but it just seems to drive more of the pushing for more behavior so then I still can't enjoy myself.

The bottom line is that I would really like him to quit trying to make me like things that I have such negative feelings about participating in.

Is there something wrong with me for not being able to enjoy his fantasies? Am I being ridiculous or selfish? I really don't know anymore I don't have that false moral compass to guide me anymore.

Question 2:

My husband and I are new to swinging, and I guess you could call us wallflowers. We went to our first club last weekend and just sort of hung out. We're both...reasonably attractive...but didn't get approached at all. I know you always say you should ask for what we want, and it's on us for not doing that, but any other advice for the wallflowers out there?

We're considering your desire trip, and are sorta worried we'd do the same thing at that resort.

Question 3:

My wife and I recently decided to explore the lifestyle. Living in Ottawa there is now really only one active club, we also have become members of a private club, which we truly enjoy in the summer months.

We are still new to this, we are moving slowly, we are more about connections. We enjoy the friends that we have made so far, it is nice to get together with like minded individuals, not having to worry about conversation that at times can become very sexual or hot. Your podcasts have been enlightening about nervousness, rules, boundaries, most of all about inclusiveness.

I am a hetroflexible male and my wife has learned that she is pansexual. The hardest thing we find in the area is that the clubs here are not very open to bisexual men, they also try to exclude single men most times. I understand the reasons that I have been given, they have had and continue to have single men that are too aggressive and do not respect the boundaries.

The one club allows single men on Friday nights. The club also has fetish and kink nights periodically to try and be more inclusive, these events are open to everyone. I feel that I try to be sensitive and caring to everyone. I just think it would be awesome to have an area where everyone can go and have a great, safe and open environment.

My vision would be something something like Oasis in Toronto, but open to everyone, or at least open to all couples, with no bias on gender. To me it would be a start. Thank you for sharing your podcasts, they are very informative.

Question 4:

A couple of years ago my husband asked if we could try a threesome. We were having sexual satisfaction issues due to stress he was dealing with at the time which made me feel insecure.

Recently we've started hooking up with a couple we know. I'm bi and wanted to play with a woman in addition to some swapping. But when it came down to it, I was playing with her and having a great time. Once my husband started playing with her, my insecurities came up and we had a fight because I felt like we rushed into a more intimate level of playing.

The other problem is, I was not attracted to the other husband. And my husband's stress issue reared its ugly head when we played again. The other wife and he were playing she was getting upset about my husband's performance. I wanted to watch and help, which frustrated the other husband.

I really want to be in the lifestyle and I know we really screwed up our approach for the first few times. I feel like a hypocrite about my jealous feelings that come up when I see my husband playing with another woman.

Are we just doomed in the lifestyle? How do you know when to call it quits?

More importantly, how do we approach another couple when I feel like I need so much attention to make sure I feel good?

Question 5:

We're in Detroit and have a group of swingers we play with regularly.

A little bit back, we went to a party where she played solo with a guy without checking in beforehand. I wasn't okay with that, and let her know afterwards. She has played solo in a separate space before and let me know beforehand. So I had assumed she knew to go slow. Mistakes can happen!

Last week we went to a kink party. I saw her kissing the aforementioned solo guy a couple times. But while with me, she excused herself to get a drink when he also did and they instead went to fuck without checking in. I felt abandoned, especially as they continued to play all night.

I told her that I felt betrayed and overlooked, as well as ignored when she reacted defensively without acknowledging my feelings.

We talked the next day without particularly resolving anything and I spun into self loathing and over-analying my actions.I still feel she intentionally ignored me that evening. And there was a huge communication gap between her thinking she was doing me a favor leaving me open to play with others, and the lack of check in and connection I wanted. This is a new level of jealousy I haven't felt before.

Have you ever had this type of situation and how did you handle it?
Could I have dealt with it better at the party?

Tristan Taormino's #AllIn for Desire… are you? Join us from November 3rd through the 10th this 2018 for Life on the Swingset's seventh trip to Desire! Visit www.ssdesire.com for more information!

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!

You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe.

The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now order Cooper's novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com.

Do you have a sex positive project? Would you be interested in a grant? Visiting the Effing Foundation at effing.org/grants!

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album. Our cold open in includes the track パラダイス PARADISE , our Swingtowns Advertisement includes the track さようなら GOOD BYE, and the Effing Foundation Advertisement includes the track シドニーSYDNEY.

The Sex Down South Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Internet Archive - O N L I N E off the THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Ginger Bentham Dr. Liz Powell Dirty Lola Mr. Pent

Jaksot(431)

SS 216: Dating - Being Right With and Doing Right By Your People

SS 216: Dating - Being Right With and Doing Right By Your People

We all go on dates. Maybe it's a play date with another sexy couple. Maybe it's a romantic getaway with a partner we only see every couple months. Maybe it's a night of taking off your clothes and cleaning someone's apartment for them while they watch you barely contain your excitement. We all date, and we all eventually have other relationships, people we're making a life with, other people we're fucking, maybe a daddy, and while what we're doing is ultimately our business, we still want to do right by and be right with the people we choose to call our people. We discuss how hard it is to manage multiple relationships and that respecting multiple people simultaneously while developing new relationships takes skill, mindfulness, presence, and lots of communication of expectations, needs and considarations.

13 Heinä 20151h 8min

SS 215: Successful Disengagement - Stepping Back Gracefully

SS 215: Successful Disengagement - Stepping Back Gracefully

We've all been in situations that we were really... REALLY eager to be in.... then realize in the moment maybe we don't want to be in this particular situation but you like everyone involved and you don't want to spoil the mood, and you want to step back gracefully and disengage. We discuss learning how to get a handle on your own emotions both in the moment and after, we relay some of our strategies in communicating lack of enthusiasm for the act without accidentally conveying lack of enthusiasm for the person, and take care of some "business".

8 Heinä 20151h 6min

SS 214: Secrecy, Privacy in Swinging & Polyamory

SS 214: Secrecy, Privacy in Swinging & Polyamory

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} In the wake of both Fetlife and Adult Friend Finder getting their content and naughty secrets scraped and posted online, there has been a renewed discussion about secrecy and privacy in swinging & polyamory. Katie Mack joins us to discuss these topics and think about what it means to be secretive, how it relates to our own private closets and give you suggestions on maintaining your cone of privacy in the modern Internet age. Social networks, dating & swinging sites, privacy v. secrecy, photos, (more) secure payment methods, burner phones and email accounts are all on the table. Here’s a Krebs on Security article on recent breaches. Here’s an article addressing the AdultFriendFinder breach.

29 Kesä 20151h 11min

SS 213: Gang Bang the Mailbag 21 – Now 100% Legal!

SS 213: Gang Bang the Mailbag 21 – Now 100% Legal!

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Welcome to our 21st Gang Bang the Mailbag! As always, if you want to ask a question via voicemail or text: 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464, or send us an email at contact@lifeontheswingset.comAs always we want to remind those of you at home to tweet along with us at #sspodcast We address a “The Professor” callout from a listener on the definition of monogamy, a listener looking for advice on an MFM in Tokyo, large age differences between partners in swinging, a listener whose wife kind of wants out of non-monogamy, and the trials and tribulations of being with a partner who has two left sexual feet. Cooper also throws out there that a great name for a new band would be Suburbanesque World of Heteronormative Privilege. Also from Dylan: OH GOD IT WAS Q-TIP! CANADA, YOU DID THIS TO ME

19 Kesä 20151h 1min

SS 212: Gang Bang the Mailbag 20

SS 212: Gang Bang the Mailbag 20

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Believe it or not, our voicemail gang bang overflowed and we were left with extra voicemails. With that in mind, we've collected some listener emails to do our twentieth mailbag gangbang! As always, if you want to ask a question via voicemail or text: 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464, or send us an email at contact@lifeontheswingset.com. All questions have been edited to fit in the space allowed. We discuss meeting opposite partners before private dates, expectations and consent, making the first move at clubs, soft swapping with single males and solidifying rules as newbies as well as getting over boundary violations.

12 Kesä 20151h 5min

SS 211: Ghosts of Swingset Past - Life on the Swingset

SS 211: Ghosts of Swingset Past - Life on the Swingset

Holy Shit Shira B. Katz is here! … and she’s causing trouble! … and she starts a wonderful conversation with Ginger about mindfulness! ….and she asks what we’ve been doing with our lives and we update her with an episode almost entirely about “our business” which included the introduction of the term relationship anarchy. It was a pleasure and we hope it happens again. J …also “dumping with Dylan” may become a thing now. And I guess “Just the Tip with Dylan Thomas”. Maybe. Whatever.   We reference Headspace (the website that apparently treats your head right) and Dr. Dan Siegel’s book Mindsight.

3 Kesä 20151h 18min

SS 210: Nina Hartley Talks About All of the Things

SS 210: Nina Hartley Talks About All of the Things

Adult film star, author, sex educator, outspoken feminist and advocate for sexual acceptance Nina Hartley joins and honors us with a conversation on the Swingset. Nina was a pioneer of sex positivity before sex positivity was a thing. A prolific performer, an outspoken feminist and an advocate for sexual acceptance (as a board member of the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance), Nina is the sexual freedom fighter we all admire. We are deeply honored to welcome her onto the Swingset. After Nina leaves, Dylan responds to an email we received regarding our latest Bedcast by both acknowledging our own failings and by shining light on the absurdity of claiming lack of responsibility through silence and complacency.

27 Touko 20151h 6min

SS 209: Swinging For Dummies IX - Sexy Vacations

SS 209: Swinging For Dummies IX - Sexy Vacations

Vacations. Aren't they great? But you know what's better? SEXY VACATIONS. The kind where you can be naked and flirt all day and have sex all night. Or maybe you decide on an afternoon delight. Of course, on vacation, you have time for all of the above! For those who've never been on a sexy vacation, they can also be intimidating and scary. For our ninth Swinging for Dummies episode we, enthusiastic advocates of the sexy vacation, share what we have learned so that your next sexy vacation is everything you want it to be and more. That's tonight on Life on the Swingset the podcast.   Tonight's episode is sponsored by our good friends at Gamelink.com, which is where you should be going for your porn!

21 Touko 20151h 19min

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