Presence Leadership with Bender "the Ender" (Ep 18)

Keywords:

Courageous Curiosity, Resistance, Leadership, Authenticity, Present Moment Awareness, Inner Work, Relationships, Emotional Growth, Brotherhood, Nervous System, Discipline to Self, Self-Trust

Summary:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to Brian “Bender the Ender” for taking the time to have this incredible conversation with me on the WholeMan Podcast.

The recording was actually accidental but I’m so glad. It was truly inspiring and an honor to spend time witnessing the beauty of one of my favorite human beings on the planet.

Bender brings a grounded, thoughtful, and quietly powerful presence. This conversation felt like a slow burn that built into something deeply real — an exploration of resistance, leadership, relationships, and what it truly means to do the work of remembering.

We discussed:

– The resistance to stepping into spaces of growth and how courage and curiosity guide us through it– The vulnerability of leadership and redefining leadership outside of control, fear, and certainty– The difference between leading by example vs enforcing beliefs– How unconscious “programs” shape our behavior in relationships– The dynamic of control, expectation, and projection within intimate partnerships– The illusion of future peace vs living in present awareness– The difference between external metrics of success vs internal transformation– Why “the work” is not the practices themselves, but recognizing and moving through resistance– The role of emotional range and reconnecting with feeling beyond anger and flatness– The concept of the “dark night of the soul” as a necessary and sacred phase of growth

I remembered:

– Resistance is often the exact doorway into growth

– Leadership does not require control — it can be collaborative, subtle, and embodied

– The “programs” I run in relationships often disconnect me from the present moment

– My desire to control outcomes is often rooted in fear and self-protection

– The work is not practices to get good at practices — it’s practice to become aware and conscious choice of the moment

– Internal metrics (presence, honesty, courage) matter more than external outcomes

– Growth is not about achieving a future state — it’s about how I show up right now

My favorite moment in our conversation was:

When Bender said:

“The work is not all the practices… it’s recognizing what you’re resisting and deciding what to do about it.”

That moment hit deep.

It stripped away all the noise, all the rituals, all the structure……and brought it back to something incredibly simple and powerful:

Awareness.Choice.Action.

Reflection:

I can’t tell you what an honor it is to be able to have conversations like this with the most beautiful people on Earth.

Bender was already my dear friend and brother but the moments we spent together in this conversation will forever be etched in my consciousness as precious steps toward remembering who IAM.

There is something incredibly powerful about witnessing a man recognize his own growth in real time — and having the courage to say, “I’m proud of myself.”

That moment alone made this conversation sacred and inspired me.

Connect with Brian “Bender the Ender”:

Benderbri@yahoo.com

Connect with WholeMan:

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Sound Bites:

– “The work is not all the practices… it’s recognizing what you’re resisting.”–“Resistance is often the doorway.”– “Leadership doesn’t require control-it requires presence.”