The Scarlet Edit: Infidelity, Divorce, Starting Over.30 Huhti

Why I Felt Single Even During an Affair

I told one of my girlfriends the other day that despite being in serious relationships, I've always kind of felt single. And she said, me too. This episode is what came out of that.

I'm not talking about single in the fun, hitting-the-town way. I'm talking about feeling like I've never really had a man fully choose me across every defining relationship since college. The marriage. The boyfriends. The affair with a married man. Different relationships, different roles, same feeling underneath all of it.

I get into the elephant in the room — yes, my last relationship was with a married man, so of course there were limits on what was available. But this feeling didn't start there. It's been there in every serious relationship I've had. I dig into the question I've never asked myself before: have I been falling in love with potential instead of who's actually in front of me?

I get into the difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone, why I think the word partner is overused, and the kind of relationship I actually want now that I know what I've been missing. I share what my friend said about her marriage that completely shifted how I think about companionship versus best friendship. And I get honest about the grief that comes with realizing the relationship you wanted might never have been the one you were in.

Whether you're married, divorced, the other woman, or somewhere in between, if you've ever been in something serious and still gone to bed feeling like you were on your own, this one is for you.

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Jaksot(82)

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