Episode 31: Allowing Is the Goal: The Most Underrated Emotional Skill

During the holidays, emotions tend to run higher—more people in the house, more events, more expectations, more layered dynamics with adult children and in-laws. In this deeply grounding episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki walks you through the four most common ways we respond to emotions—and why only one of them leads to true peace, connection, and emotional maturity.

Using real-life examples, including a surprisingly tender story about navigating the GPS on a family trip, Brooke teaches how reacting, resisting, and avoiding keep us stuck in frustration, shame, or overwhelm. Then she introduces the emotional skill that changes everything: allowing.

Allowing doesn’t mean liking the emotion—it means creating space for it without judgment or urgency. And it is one of the most transformative tools for navigating holiday stress, adult family dynamics, unmet expectations, and your own inner world with compassion.

What You’ll Learn

• The four emotional responses: reacting, resisting, avoiding, and allowing
• Why reacting often damages connection
• How resisting (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) intensifies emotional discomfort
• Why avoiding (food, scrolling, overscheduling) brings temporary relief but long-term heaviness
• What allowing looks like in daily life—and how it supports emotional safety
• How to stay calm, grounded, and aligned with your values during the holidays

Reflection Prompts

• Which emotional response do I use most—reacting, resisting, avoiding, or allowing?
• What emotion do I most often push away?
• How could allowing help me show up more peacefully with my adult children this holiday season?
• Where can I practice a pause—breathing before reacting?

🎁 The Holiday Bundle 2025 Is LIVE

Brooke created 18 short videos (2–8 minutes each) to help you not just plan the holidays—but feel better during them. The bundle includes three sections:

Planning: gift giving, routines, and letting go of expectations

Thought Work: managing your emotions, letting others own theirs, working through disappointment

Nervous System Support: tools to help you stay regulated when emotions run high

There is no class to attend and no time commitment—just simple, practical support you can listen to anytime, anywhere.

Get the Holiday Bundle:

https://subscribepage.io/HolidayBundle

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Learn More

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www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Two private bonus podcast episodes for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife

Listen here: https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want Personalized Support?

Schedule a free one-on-one coaching session:

https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki