Episode 42: Am I Safe? Three Steps to Calm Your Nervous System (with Leah Davidson)

In today’s episode, Brooke sits down with Leah Davidson (Toronto-based speech language pathologist and nervous system educator) for a practical, hope-filled conversation about nervous system regulation and safety and why it matters so much in midlife and in our relationships with adult children.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why did I react like that?” or felt your body go into stress mode over something that isn’t actually dangerous, this episode will help you understand what’s happening and what to do next.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What the nervous system is, and why it’s constantly scanning for “safe or danger”
• Why your nervous system is highly sensitive and sometimes highly inaccurate
• “False alarms” and the reality that your body can’t always tell the difference between real danger and perceived danger
• Brooke’s basketball game story (and how quickly the body can escalate when it thinks something important is on the line)
• Why midlife can feel more intense: hormones, sleep changes, stress load, shifting family roles, and stretched-thin capacity
• A key truth: regulation isn’t being calm all the time
• It’s being able to move through activation and come back home
• How dysregulation hijacks your thinking (when your “CEO” goes offline)
• The Safety Sequence (Leah’s 3-step process you can use in the moment):

1. Am I objectively safe?
2. Do I feel safe?
3. Relax the body to invite safety back in

• What a physiological sigh is and how to do it (a quick tool supported for anxiety regulation)
• How to create more safety in hard conversations (tone, pacing, environment, timing, and especially choice)
• Why you can be regulated and still set boundaries (regulation doesn’t mean you “take it all”)
• The power of repair, honesty, and pacing difficult conversations over time

Try this after you listen:

When you notice yourself getting activated today, pause and ask:

• Am I safe?
• Do I feel safe?
• Then try one physiological sigh and relax your shoulders, jaw, and hands. Give your body a moment to come back online.

Links and resources:

• Leah Davidson’s podcast: Building Resilience
• Leah’s work includes nervous system trainings, guided journals, and resources for building resilience.
• Want support applying these tools in your real life? Join "Bridges" my small group coaching program starting March 4. Email me at brooke@brookeoniki.com for more information!

Stay Connected with Brooke

Explore coaching, podcast resources, and upcoming workshops:

www.brookeoniki.com

Bonus for Listeners

Get two private bonus podcast episodes just for women in midlife:

• Menopause Explained
• Enjoying Sex in Midlife
• https://www.subscribepage.com/summitadd

Want personal support?

Schedule your free one-on-one coaching session with Brooke:

👉 https://calendly.com/brookeoniki/life-coaching-session-with-brooke-oniki