How To! with Charles Duhigg9 Helmi 2021

How To Leave the Church When Your Dad's the Pastor

Chris's childhood was defined by the Pentecostal church, where his father is a minister and his siblings are following the same path. But when Chris went to college, his views on the church changed, and now at age 23, he no longer identifies as religious. That's caused a major rift with his parents, and Chris can't stand the tension anymore. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Patricia Lockwood, a poet and writer who chronicled her own experience leaving the church in her memoir Priestdaddy. Raised in a strict Catholic family with a father for a priest (thanks to a rare loophole), Patricia thought she was done with religion by the time she was in her early 30s. But when an unexpected financial crisis prompted her and her husband to move back in with her parents, Patricia learned a new way to bridge the gap between them. Reflecting on your shared values, Patricia says, is key to connecting with your parents, even if you're still leaving their religion behind.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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