Gay Men Going Deeper23 Loka 2025

Joy Killers: How and Why We Sabotage Joy

Why does joy feel so hard to hold onto? In this episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, we’re revealing the joy killers: those sneaky ways we sabotage happiness even when life is going well.

We explore:

The difference between chasing pleasure and cultivating joy
Foreboding joy (a.k.a. waiting for the other shoe to drop) and how it robs us of the present.
How trauma and disappointment condition us to expect loss
The role of protector parts and self-sabotage in keeping joy at arm’s length.
What we’re really trying to protect ourselves from when we don’t let joy all the way in.

By the end, you’ll see how internalized shame, fear, and control kill our joy- and how practicing gratitude, presence, and vulnerability can help us reclaim it.

Today's Hosts:

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- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
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Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: How and Why We Sabotage Our
(00:01:18) - Happy Life: Chasing Joy
(00:03:23) - Why Joy Is Hard
(00:04:59) - What is the biggest joy killer for you?
(00:06:57) - How To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
(00:10:14) - Learning How to Deal With Criticism
(00:12:46) - Inside the Inner Critic
(00:14:31) - The Joy of the Game Men's Brotherhood
(00:15:39) - The 'Foreboding Joy' of Love
(00:20:06) - "Be Joy in Your 40s!"
(00:21:56) - How To Deal With The 'Other shoe To Drop'
(00:25:45) - How To Find Security and Stability Attractive
(00:28:31) - Healing Your Shame
(00:29:28) - What Are We Protecting From Joy?
(00:34:03) - Adam Levine on Being Vulnerable With People
(00:37:57) - "I Love You"
(00:38:20) - Beyond Fear: How to Love Yourself
(00:40:19) - Thank You!

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