Episode 57: When Helping Isn't Helping

When Helping Isn't HelpingBrooke Oniki Life Coaching Podcast

My husband was making cookies. He's done it dozens of times. And I still couldn't keep my mouth shut about the butter.

That moment introduced me — again — to a concept from leadership researcher Liz Wiseman: the difference between multipliers and diminishers. Wiseman was studying corporations. But she was describing our families.

In this episode we talk about the gatekeeper's paradox, the most dangerous quadrant of love, and the difference between love that grows people and love that simply keeps them safe. Plus a Larry Wilson quote from the April 2012 General Conference that I have never been able to shake.

The question this episode asks is simple. The answer is harder: does your presence make the people around you more — or less?

Quote of the Episode "Compulsion builds resentment. It conveys mistrust, and it makes people feel incompetent. Learning opportunities are lost when controlling persons pridefully assume they have all the right answers for others." — Elder Larry Wilson, April 2012 General Conference

Resources Mentioned

Multipliers by Liz Wiseman
Diana Baumrind's four quadrants of parenting
Elder Larry Wilson, April 2012 General Conference

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