201. Is This Gaslighting? How to Recognize, Document, and Protect Yourself in High-Conflict Divorce

Is what you’re experiencing actually gaslighting? In this episode of We Chat Divorce, Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan sit down with narcissistic abuse expert Tracy Malone — author of Divorcing Your Narcissist — to answer that question with real examples, practical tools, and language you can use right now. Tracy explains what gaslighting actually looks like in practice — not just the definition, but the tactics, the phrases, and the specific ways it shows up in high-conflict divorce. She walks through DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), explains why gaslighting targets your greatest strengths, and shares why the pattern intensifies the moment you file. Catherine also shares from her own experience — including how she kept a detailed journal for years before her divorce, and how that documentation became her anchor when her reality was being contested. IN THIS EPISODE: What gaslighting actually is — and why the word alone isn’t enough DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender (and why Tracy calls it “the love language of a narcissist”) Why gaslighting targets your greatest strengths (and Tracy’s Home Depot story) How gaslighting escalates when you file for divorce — including with the children, attorneys, and judges Financial gaslighting: “There is no money” and other phrases that keep victims stuck The story of a woman married 29 years who discovered mid-divorce they were multi-millionaires Why documentation is your most powerful tool — and how Catherine used a journal before her own divorce How to use financial statements to counter financial gaslighting without accusation The recovery work after gaslighting: guilt, shame, self-doubt, and rebuilding Why financial clarity and emotional independence go hand in hand FREE COMPANION RESOURCE Download “Is This Gaslighting? — A Reality-Check Guide” Signs checklist DARVO explainer Incident log & financial tracker Phrases to protect yourself Next steps checklist ➡️ MyDivorceSolution.com/gaslighting-guide 📝 READ THE COMPANION BLOG POST Gaslighting in Divorce: How to Recognize It, Document It, and Protect Yourself ➡️ MyDivorceSolution.com/blog 🔗 ABOUT TRACY MALONE Tracy Malone is a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, educator, and bestselling author. Website: narcissistabusesupport.com 🔗 ABOUT MY DIVORCE SOLUTION Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan help individuals gain financial clarity before, during, and after divorce — so decisions are made on verified facts, not contested narratives. Website: MyDivorceSolution.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices