Breaking the Cycle of 'Emotionally Immature' Parenting: Healing Insights from a Psychotherapist

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This week's episode:

Some of the deepest childhood wounds don't come from parents who shouted or hurt us. Sometimes they come from parents who simply never had the tools to truly see us.

On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm joined by Sian Crossley, a London-trained psychotherapist, author and the founder of Break the Cycle Coaching.

With a background in both private practice and the NHS, Sian specialises in helping adults understand and heal from the lasting impact of emotionally immature parenting. Through her writing, courses and online community, she helps thoughtful, self-aware people untangle patterns like people pleasing, self doubt and over responsibility, so they can build healthier boundaries and more authentic relationships. She's the author of How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents, and now lives in Malaysia with her two young children, working with clients and audiences around the world.

In this episode, Sian and I talk about what emotionally immature parenting actually looks like, even in a childhood where all the practical boxes were ticked. We explore why feeling unseen can leave a lasting impact, how undiagnosed neurodivergence in a parent's generation often went unnamed and unsupported, and why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when it comes to healing. Sian also shares the foundations of emotionally mature parenting, and how small, consistent changes, like simply asking a child how they feel, can start to break old patterns without anyone needing to be perfect.

In this episode, we cover:

• What emotionally immature parenting really looks like, even in a "good enough" childhood
• The difference between big T and little T trauma
• How undiagnosed neurodivergence in parents shapes the way love and connection are shown
• Parentification, and what it means when a child becomes their parent's emotional support
• Why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when healing childhood trauma
• The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths about a parent at once
• Why childhood memories can feel fragmented after emotional neglect
• Breaking generational cycles without overcorrecting as a parent
• The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting: regulation, self awareness, empathy and boundaries
• Why asking a child how something made them feel can change everything

Timestamps:

• 00:00 - Welcome, and introducing Sian Crossley and her book
• 02:40 - What emotionally immature parenting actually looks like
• 05:03 - Why feeling unseen can matter more than what was provided practically
• 06:15 - Parentification and becoming a parent's emotional support
• 07:51 - Kate's own story: a late ADHD diagnosis and family patterns
• 11:34 - Where healing actually begins
• 14:48 - Why too much empathy for parents can get in the way of healing
• 17:16 - Breaking the cycle without overcorrecting as a parent
• 22:41 - Why fragmented childhood memories are so common
• 25:23 - Grief, acceptance and why forgiveness isn't the goal
• 34:03 - The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths
• 39:05 - The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting
• 45:04 - How to work with Sian

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• Kate Moryoussef on post-diagnosis growth and her gentle framework for what comes next
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Links and Resources:

• Find my popular ADHD workshops and resources on my website [here].
• Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
• Visit Sian's website: breakthecyclecoaching.co.uk
• Connect with Sian on Instagram: @sianmorgancrossley
• Check out Sian's book, How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents
• Start a free trial of Sian's membership here

Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.

With thanks to our Sponsor: This week's episode is sponsored by Elete, a simple way to support your hydration by adding essential electrolytes to the water you're already drinking. So many of us get completely absorbed in a task and forget to drink anything for hours, then wonder why we feel foggy or flat later in the day. Elete is sugar-free, with no artificial sweeteners or unnecessary additives, and it's trusted by health-conscious families, athletes and wellness professionals alike. Head to eletewater.co.uk and use the code WWP20 for an exclusive 20% listener discount.