I Went to Jail Multiple Times : Shame, Secrecy, and Losing Integrity in Recovery

I Went to Jail Multiple Times : Shame, Secrecy, and Losing Integrity in Recovery

This episode is a raw, unfiltered conversation about relapse after long-term sobriety, shame, integrity, and why early recovery relationships can quietly derail progress.

Anthony sits down with a Steven W who shares his full arc: early substance use, jail, treatment, sober living, loss of close friends, repeated relapses, and finally what changed after hitting the true “jumping-off point.” Together, they unpack what it’s like to relapse with a head full of recovery, how secrecy erodes sobriety long before the first drink or drug, and why integrity—not willpower—is often the real line between staying sober and going back out.

They explore:

  • Why relapse often begins weeks or months before the substance

  • The hidden danger of relationships in early recovery

  • How shame and guilt isolate people from help

  • The myth of “I can handle it this time”

  • Why chemical peace of mind is no longer an option for some

  • The slow drift away from spiritual fitness that leads back to old patterns

This episode is especially powerful for anyone who has relapsed after significant clean time, is questioning their recovery foundation, or feels stuck between wanting sobriety and wanting comfort. It’s an honest reminder that recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about alignment, honesty, and staying on the beam one day at a time.

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Trauma & Addiction: Gabor Maté & The Body Keeps the Score (An Honest Take)

Trauma & Addiction: Gabor Maté & The Body Keeps the Score (An Honest Take)

Why the pain, not why the addiction? An honest, peer look at the trauma model of recovery.This week it's a solo one. I sit with two thinkers who reshaped how we talk about addiction — Gabor Maté (In t...

29 Elo 10min

Surrender in Recovery — Why Letting Go Isn't Giving Up

Surrender in Recovery — Why Letting Go Isn't Giving Up

Surrender sounded like giving up — until it became the thing that finally let me stop losing.For years I thought surrender meant waving the white flag: defeat, quitting, rolling over. My ego hated it....

27 Elo 15min

The 12 Principles That Actually Keep You Sober

The 12 Principles That Actually Keep You Sober

Working the steps gets you sober. Living the principles keeps you there. All 12 — and why they hold.My mentor asks me one question: "How are you living today, Anthony?" It's easy to be a star in the r...

25 Elo 26min

10 Things Alcoholics Do That Normal Drinkers Don't

10 Things Alcoholics Do That Normal Drinkers Don't

Ten things I thought were normal until I got sober — supply math, pre-gaming, the morning panic. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a guy who did all ten of these, and didn't realize nobody else was living li...

22 Elo 19min

The Hidden Opportunities in Recovery (The Wins Nobody Claps For)

The Hidden Opportunities in Recovery (The Wins Nobody Claps For)

The wins nobody claps for are the ones that built your recovery. Here are the hidden ones.We throw parties for the first sober birthday and the first sober holiday. But nobody warns you about the firs...

20 Elo 24min

10 Weird Things My Alcoholic Brain Does in Recovery

10 Weird Things My Alcoholic Brain Does in Recovery

Ten weird things my alcoholic brain still does in recovery — and why none of them run my life anymore.I've been in recovery since 2015. I relapsed around seven and a half years in, and I'm back — a ye...

18 Elo 20min

Everything I Knew About Getting Sober Was Wrong (10 Myths)

Everything I Knew About Getting Sober Was Wrong (10 Myths)

Ten recovery myths that keep people stuck — from someone sober again after a hard relapse. Almost everything I thought I knew about getting sober turned out to be wrong, and some of it nearly cost me ...

15 Elo 23min

Staying Sober While Travelling, the Strivers' Curse & "We Could Have Missed It All"

Staying Sober While Travelling, the Strivers' Curse & "We Could Have Missed It All"

CHEF DEV IS BACK...A counsellor once asked Devan: what's wrong with the way you feel? This is that conversation. Chef Devan Rajkumar Today, he travels and cooks across different cities, constantly lea...

13 Elo 49min

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