Back by Popular Demand: What to do when your child says, "I'm stupid," "I hate myself," or "I'm a bad kid"

As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most impactful parenting conversations in Securely Attached history.

Few moments are more heartbreaking than hearing your child say, "I'm stupid," "I'm a bad kid," "I hate myself," or even, "I wish I wasn't here." Our instinct is often to reassure them, convince them they're wrong, or make those painful feelings disappear as quickly as possible. But what if those words are actually your child's way of communicating something much deeper?

In this conversation, Dr. Emily Upshur joins me to explore what negative self-talk is really telling us, how to respond in the moment, and how to help children build resilience, confidence, and a healthier inner voice over time.

Together we discuss:

• What children are often trying to communicate when they use harsh or self-critical language.

• Why our first instinct to reassure or correct may not be the most helpful response.

• What to say in the moment when your child says, "I'm stupid," "I'm a bad kid," or "I hate myself."

• How to respond differently with preschoolers, school-age children, and older kids.

• Why it's important to look beneath the words to the feelings driving them.

• How to recognize when negative self-talk is becoming a repeated pattern.

• Why calm, connected debriefs are often more effective than trying to solve everything in the moment.

• Practical ways to build resilience, confidence, and a growth mindset in everyday life.

• How to model healthy self-talk and coping skills for your child.

• Why these moments, while unsettling, can become powerful opportunities for connection and emotional growth.

This conversation offers a compassionate framework for responding to some of the most difficult things a child can say. Rather than reacting from fear or rushing to make the feelings disappear, we remind you that these moments are invitations to connect, understand what your child is really experiencing, and help them develop the emotional skills they'll carry with them for years to come.

⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐

If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.