254 How to Figure Out What You Want and Need: An Insider’s Experience of YOO

Figuring out what your wants and needs might sound simple, but it’s often… really not.

To help you navigate this question, we’re bringing you a super special episode in a never-before-seen (and possibly never to be seen again!) format. This episode is excerpted from a community call inside The Year Of Opening®, our private community for people who are on the path of individuation and de-centering monogamy. Wants and needs was a highly requested topic, and the resulting call was truly special. Everyone you’ll hear in this call consented to having the audio shared as a PWF episode, and we are thrilled to invite you into this inside peek!

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why many of us struggle to name our wants, and how our histories shape our relationship with desire

— The difference between needs and wants, and why that distinction matters in non-monogamy

— How the mono-mind limits our imagination of what's possible

— The protective mechanisms we use to avoid wanting

— Why some people enjoy longing and yearning while others find it unbearable

— The concept of limerence and how fantasy can both serve and limit us

— Using envy as a tool for desire excavation (and when envy becomes destructive)

— How to create containers for exploratory conversations about desires

— Why trusting your partner's "no" is essential for feeling safe to express your "yes"

— The difference between wants you've been sold and wants that authentically arise from within

— Practical strategies for desire excavation

— How to write solo MVAs (Minimum Viable Agreements) with yourself about your boundaries and capacities

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions