Reconnection Podcast with Dr. Michael Barta1 Syys

You Can't Talk Him Into Getting Help

"You can't make another person choose recovery, no matter how hard you try."

This one is for the partner who has run out of road. You have cried, pleaded, threatened, reasoned and hoped. He either admits there is a problem and does nothing, or tells you that you are imagining it.

The question I am asked almost every week is how to get a husband into treatment. The honest answer is that you cannot — and that is not the end of the conversation, because there are things that do work.

In this episode you will discover:

Why persuasion fails: when someone is trapped in compulsive behaviour, they will usually protect the behaviour before they protect the relationship.
Impact over diagnosis: why arguing about whether he is addicted goes nowhere, and what to say instead.
Consequences: what happens when a partner stops absorbing the cost of his choices.
The open window: motivation arrives in moments, and what to do in the hours after he says he is ready.

Notice how much of your energy this week went into managing his problem, and what would be left over if it didn't.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/F1IOetZIkAY
Support for partners: https://drmichaelbarta.com/healing-for-partners-of-sex-addicts/

CHAPTERS
0:00 Show introduction
0:36 Introduction: for the partner at the end of her rope
1:06 Why this question comes up almost every week
1:43 Can you convince him to get treatment?
2:32 What partners try that usually doesn't work
3:32 First: stop trying to convince him he has a problem
3:47 Second: talk about impact, not diagnosis
4:14 Third: let him feel the consequences
4:37 What to do the moment he says he's ready
5:32 Treatment is not punishment
5:45 Closing thoughts
6:22 Closing and where to go next

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