The Party Was Over, But I Kept Trying to Restart It - AA Speaker - Bob D.

Bob spent his final three years drinking alone, trying to restart a party that had already ended. After seven and a half years around AA, he finally bought the whole package and discovered that spiritual action worked whether he believed in it or not.

☀️ Sober Sunrise App Listen to Sober Sunrise AA speaker talks anytime, track your sober time, take a daily pledge, and keep recovery support close throughout the day. 📱 https://sober-sunrise.com/app If you enjoy the app or find it useful in your recovery, a quick rating or review on the App Store would mean a lot and helps more people find Sober Sunrise.

☀️ Sober Sunrise Episode Archive Hundreds of AA speaker tapes and recovery stories: https://sober-sunrise.com/episodes

🧡 Sober Sunrise Merch https://sober-sunrise.com/merch

🌴 Sober Sunrise Newsletter https://sober-sunrise.com/newsletter

Bob, sober since 1978, describes feeling like an outsider long before his first drink at twelve made him feel connected, whole, and finally good enough. Calling himself a "freeze-dried alcoholic waiting for alcohol," he explains how the craving took over from the beginning and how his search for the same effect carried him through drugs, institutions, legal consequences, and repeated attempts to control the uncontrollable. By the final three years, the social magic was gone and Bob was drinking alone, trapped by what he calls psychotic wishful thinking: all the evidence said the party was over, but he remained convinced he could somehow restart it. He had attended hundreds of AA meetings over seven and a half years without surrendering the private belief that drinking could remain his escape if life became painful enough. After reaching a dark bottom and landing in a Las Vegas detox, Bob finally attached himself to members who lived AA's primary purpose, called a sponsor every day, and began taking actions he neither understood nor believed would work. Those actions led him into service, the Twelve Steps, a relationship with God, and a twenty-eight-year process of awakening to other people. Through working with newcomers and hearing Fifth Steps, Bob discovered the comforting truth that beneath the details, alcoholics share the same fear, vacancy, and desire for connection. His message is that AA is "spiritual physics": take the actions, and recovery can awaken the life and sense of belonging alcohol once only seemed to provide.

Bob D. from Las Vegas, NV speaking at the Northern Plains Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Fargo, ND - October 10th 2006

Music: Deep by KaizanBlu