The Difference Between "I Need You" and "Come With Me" | Summer Special

Part of the House of Peregrine Summer Series, shorter clips drawn from our favourite episodes, for those in-between moments when you want wisdom without the full sit-down.

In this clip, depth psychotherapist and author Vanessa Bennett, of The Motherhood Myth and the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast, unpacks one of the most quietly corrosive patterns in our relationships: codependence. Her definition is disarmingly simple, "if you're good, I'm good; if you're not good, I'm not good", a sense of self located entirely outside yourself. Mickelle and Vanessa trace how we learn it, from people-pleasing and passive-aggression to the fear of abandonment underneath, and why the financial system can quietly force it, especially on women.

Then comes the turn: interdependence. Not hyper-independence, but two sovereign people relating without needing the other to change in order to feel okay. It's a reframe with real stakes for anyone building a life with a partner, especially couples navigating the identity upheaval of moving abroad and it rests on the deepest work of all: trusting that, no matter what, you will be okay.

Connect with Vanessa Bennett at vanessabennett.com. Produced December 2025.

Listen to the full conversation: https://www.houseofperegrine.com/podcast/ep-085

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