#44 How to Deal with Trauma When Healing Hurts | With Kobe Campbell

Why can healing make the past hurt more?

Eli Harwood sits down with therapist and author Kobe Campbell to explore how past wounds can shape our identity, relationships, and expectations of the future. Kobe describes the “paradox of healing”: as we experience more safety and connection, we may recognize pain we once had to minimize to survive.

Together, they talk about making meaning without needing an answer to why something happened, finding agency when healthy choices still come with loss, and caring for ourselves when harm is ongoing. They also explore the difference it makes to have people who understand the context of our experiences—and how community can help us feel less alone.

In this conversation

• How trauma can affect the way we see ourselves and the world.
• Why a history of safety and a history of early trauma can bring different challenges to healing.
• Making room for grief without treating pain as proof that healing is failing.
• Shifting from “Why did this happen?” toward “What happened, and what now?”
• Finding relationships where our experiences are understood and our identities are celebrated.
• The role of witnesses, groups, and connection in the healing process.

Kobe also shares her book, Why Am I Like This?, her OASIS retreats, and resources through The Healing Circle Therapy & Wellness Center. Their discussion of growth after trauma does not suggest that trauma is necessary or that suffering makes someone better.

Find Kobe and the resources mentioned

• Kobe Campbell and her book, Why Am I Like This?
• OASIS by Kobe
• The Healing Circle Therapy & Wellness Center
• Healing Circle groups

This conversation was recorded in July 2026. Visit Kobe’s sites for current retreat and group information; dates and availability mentioned in the interview may have changed.

Connect with Eli

• Secure Parenting Program
• Attachment Nerd
• Instagram
• TikTok

Music by Gold Child.