Borderline Personality Disorder: Regulation, Nurturance, and Compassion

Borderline Personality Disorder: Regulation, Nurturance, and Compassion

One of the most important and challenging skills we can develop is learning to regulate our strong emotions. While it’s very natural to have fluctuations in how we feel about others and ourselves, for some people these ups and downs are particularly intense. At clinical levels, this is known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD is characterized by a pattern of instability in a person’s emotions, moods, behavior, self-image, and relationships. BPD is fairly common, and it's even more common for "borderline-y tendencies" to show up in our lives. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what to do when these tendencies show up, how to cultivate a healthy balance of sensitivity and tolerance to distress, regulating and nurturing ourselves, and how to navigate relationships with others when they exhibit borderline tendencies. As a disclaimer, formal diagnosis of any condition should be done with a medical professional working directly with the person in question. This podcast episode is not a substitute for that. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What are "borderline tendencies"? 6:50: 9 Symptoms of BPD 9:10: The what, why, and how of mental health 11:25: Childhood influences on borderline tendencies 15:05: Instability, impulsivity, and the drive for reassurance 25:00: Recognizing varying degrees of borderline patterns 27:00: Practical tips–regulation and nurturance 32:50: Boundaries, and avoiding spiraling 37:50: Acceptance, and the desire for change 40:35: Sensitivity and distress tolerance 45:00: What to do when you notice borderline tendencies in a relationship 51:00: Recognizing how much someone's nature is going to change 53:35: Treatability 54:50: Recap New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 44: Honoring Your Childhood Dreams

Ep. 44: Honoring Your Childhood Dreams

Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how we can learn from and bring to life our childhood dreams - a key part of Aspiration. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: Why is aspiration a key strength? 3:30: Why are childhood dreams important? 6:15: Viewing the world without assumptions. 10:15: Aspiring toward ends rather than means. 14:15: Being conscious of the impact of other people. 20:20: How the “dreaded experience” stops us from aspiring. 24:00: Love, work, and play. 29:15: Including talents and values in your life. 34:20: Ikigai 37:45: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Marras 201839min

Ep. 43: Aspiration with Dr. Dan Siegel

Ep. 43: Aspiration with Dr. Dan Siegel

Today we’re beginning a new strength, Aspiration, with a conversation between Dr. Hanson and Dr. Dan Siegel. During this episode, Dr. Siegel will explain how you can use “mindsight" to tap into the dreams you had as a child, and honor those aspirations as an adult.  This interview is also a part of the Foundations of Well-Being online program. If you'd like to learn more about the Foundations of Well Being: https://thefoundationsofwellbeing.com/affiliate/38370 Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: Interview begins 4:00: Why has it been important to you, personally, to develop inner strengths? 8:25: How has your life experience contributed to your view of Aspiration? 14:55: How can you use Mindsight to tune back in to your childhood dreams? 21:20: Reclaiming the dreams of your youth. 29:45: What are some of the internal blocks people bump into? 38:30: Supporting the thriving of others. 46:15: How can we support the aspirations of younger people? 56:30: What advice would you give your younger self? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Marras 20181h 1min

Ep. 42: Repairing Relationships

Ep. 42: Repairing Relationships

At even the best of times, our relationships require a natural process of correction – let’s call it repair – to clear up little misunderstandings and ease points of friction. Doing that skillfully is the focus of today's episode. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: What are the common things that require repair? 3:25: The problem of resisting repair. 9:00: Checking our attributions and understandings. 15:30: Negotiating relevant values. 17:40: Know that your needs matter. 20:50: Expressing your needs clearly. 22:15: Scaling your relationships. 23:40: Repair as an expression of caring. 25:45: Leading with the good. 27:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Loka 201829min

Ep. 41: How to Assert Yourself Effectively

Ep. 41: How to Assert Yourself Effectively

Relationships go smoothly when everyone wants the same thing. But how common is that? On this episode, Forrest and Dr. Hanson continue the strength of Courage by exploring how we can assert ourselves effectively. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: Why do people struggle to assert themselves effectively? 3:10: Setting the stage for asserting yourself. 8:45: Keeping your eyes on the prize. 11:50: Commenting on process. 16:10: Focusing on the future. 18:15: What would it look like if you got what you wanted? 24:00: Make requests, not demands. 25:50: Making requests with dignity. 28:50: Consolidating your gains. 30:45: Make clear agreements. 32:15: How can I help you do this? 37:10: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Loka 201839min

Ep. 40: Speaking from the Heart

Ep. 40: Speaking from the Heart

Think about the weight of what’s been unsaid in your relationships. What have the effects been on you and other people? Today we’ll explore how to express those undelivered communications, and "speak from the heart" with kindness and skill. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:25: What do you mean by speaking from the heart? 3:00: What do we gain by speaking from the heart? 5:10: Speaking the positive as well as the negative. 6:20: The different dangers in speaking from the heart. 8:00: Establishing safety. 11:45: Being clear about our own facts. 15:30: What are the results you’re aiming for? 16:30: Talking about process. 21:20: Knowing your line in the sand. 22:30: Start by joining. 26:00: Leading with “I feel.” 28:15: Wise speech. 35:20: Continuing to practice empathy. 37:15: Nonviolent communication. 40:15: Honoring other people’s fundamental questions. 43:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Loka 201845min

Ep. 39: People Aren't Dependable. Now What?

Ep. 39: People Aren't Dependable. Now What?

We have a natural desire for a reliable world - but life happens, and no person or organization is perfectly dependable. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how we can learn to manage that natural undependability. If you'd like to learn more about Dr. Hanson's online program The Foundations of Well Being, follow this link! Use the code BEINGWELL10 for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 2:00: Our expectations of dependability. 5:00: The undependability of experience. 7:30: The inevitability of disappointment. 12:30: Centering amidst disappointment. 17:00: Seeing what IS dependable. 20:40: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Loka 201822min

Ep. 38: How to Keep Your Eyes On the Prize

Ep. 38: How to Keep Your Eyes On the Prize

It’s easy to spend more time dwelling on the faults of others than reflecting on the room for improvement in oneself. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how "unilateral virtue" helps us focus on our side of the street, and keep our eyes on the prize. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:10: Where does unilateral virtue come from? 3:15: Being virtuous without becoming a doormat. 7:20: Fulfilling expectations and creating a framework of trust. 12:20: Doing things out of the kindness of our heart. 14:50: How can we establish our personal code? 18:00: Ways to set and keep personal commitments. 20:10: The difference between inner and other directed. 24:00: Other tactics for maintaining unilateral virtue. 25:30: Staying calm during an irritating interaction. 29:00: Staying humble about how righteous you are. 31:35: Feeling “at choice.” 34:15: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Loka 201836min

Ep. 37: Become Kinder and More Compassionate

Ep. 37: Become Kinder and More Compassionate

One would think it would be obvious, but the importance of warming the heart, and developing greater compassion and kindness as personal traits, is often overlooked in our important relationships. Dr. Hanson draws on 35+ years of couples counseling experience to teach us how to do just that. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:45: The less obvious reasons to be compassionate and kind. 5:00: The difference between compassion and kindness. 9:00: Loving at will. 11:30: Ways we can increase our capacity for compassion and kindness. 14:00: Respecting the boundaries of others. 16:30: Compassion and kindness while maintaining clear boundaries. 18:10: The protection of warmheartedness. 19:35: The difference between doing a negative thing and receiving a negative response. 20:45: Being loving inside yourself. 21:35: Two equally valuable ways to be loving and kind. 22:40: Loving others helps heal our wounds around love. 24:15: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

24 Syys 201826min

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