Episode 6: Why Narcissists Sabotage Special Occasions
Next Up: Narcissism31 Touko 2024

Episode 6: Why Narcissists Sabotage Special Occasions

“Once you see these patterns, you are going to see them everywhere,” says Dr. Z as she outlines the distinct playbook of narcissistic abuse. As you become increasingly aware of the narcissist’s patterns, “you’re going to know exactly what's going to happen, when they're going to do it, and how they’re going to do it," she elaborates. In this episode, Dr. Z explores how individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often sabotage significant and meaningful events in the lives of those around them, revealing how this behavior, though common, is often overlooked and affects relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and family members.

Those with NPD will frequently (and deliberately) ruin special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduations, job promotions, even funerals. Their primary motive? To gain access to your emotions, diminish the importance of the occasion, and to obtain power and control over you and the situation itself. This can look like picking fights for no reason, deliberately giving inappropriate or unwanted gifts, feigning illness, lateness, excessive drinking, giving you the silent treatment, or even ignoring the occasion altogether. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for those entangled within a narcissistic abusive relationship as it allows you to better predict their behavior and form effective responses to protect your peace.

Dr. Z offers actionable tips on setting boundaries and preparing for potential sabotage, including the use of fact-based responses only, maintaining neutral emotional responses, developing a set of alternative backup plans, and documenting any interactions in writing. She discusses in detail how gaining an in-depth understanding of this manipulation tactic can greatly minimize the impact it has on these important occasions. With awareness, preparation, and strategic planning, you can protect your joy, maintain control over important life events, and gain a tremendous sense of empowerment.

Quotes

  • “Narcissists routinely will do what they can to sabotage an event and a holiday—anything that’s important to you.” (02:36 | Dr. Z)
  • “If you know that on these important occasions, that something like this is going to happen, you can prepare. What does that look like? You can have a mantra that you’re going to say if they make a comment to you. If they start an argument with you—we talk about gray rock, right?—you’re going to become extremely neutral, fact-based, and boring. You are not going to engage them in their delusions, in their manipulation, in their gaslighting. You are not going to play the game. (28:47 | Dr. Z)
  • “If you want to win the game, you go totally neutral. You do not allow them access to your emotions, to your thoughts, to the situation, to the behavior. You do not give them that. And you do that by having extremely neutral responses.” (29:31 | Dr. Z)

Links

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Jaksot(58)

Episode 3: Boundaries and Narcissistic Parents with Terri Cole

Episode 3: Boundaries and Narcissistic Parents with Terri Cole

“Expect that you're going to get pushback from them, because you will,” says Terri Cole, about what can happen when establishing boundaries with others. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and author of “Boundary Boss.” Together with host Dr. Z, they delve into the critical aspects of setting boundaries and managing interactions with a narcissistic parent.   Terri defines boundaries as personal rules of engagement that communicate to others what behaviors you are willing, and not willing, to tolerate.  Alongside Dr. Z, they explore the common challenges of setting boundaries, including the difficulty of maintaining them in the face of pushback. Terri also introduces a unique framework for categorizing what she refers to as "boundary offenders." They are: Boundary First-Timer, Repeat Offender, and Boundary Destroyer.   Terri and Dr. Z also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries with narcissistic parents and the unique approaches required to effectively manage these extremely complex relationships. Red flags and common behavior patterns of narcissistic parenting are explored, including the use of emotional blackmail and competitiveness with their children.    Tune in to this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism”  to gain valuable insights into how to identify narcissistic parenting dynamics, strategies to establish and maintain effective boundaries, and how to protect your own mental health while fostering authentic and healthy relationships.   Quotes “Your boundaries are comprised of your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal-breakers—your non-negotiables. So really think about what that is, preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers. It's not enough to know them, which a lot of people don't even know. You have to know them and then have the ability to clearly and concisely communicate them when you so choose.” (02:54 | Terri Cole) “This is what makes having healthy boundaries so complicated for people because even if you do spend enough time on yourself to know what your preferences are, knowing how to set a limit with someone else can be very challenging, because we're all raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents.” (03:22 | Terri Cole) “The reason why boundaries are broken up into the categories that they are, according to me, is because they don't all carry the same weight.” (09:00 | Terri Cole)   Links Connect with Terri Cole: terricole.com/workshop terricole.com/fatherwound  https://boundarybossbook.com/ https://www.instagram.com/terricole/ Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

10 Touko 202452min

Next Up: Narcissism - Trailer

Next Up: Narcissism - Trailer

With a real, raw, and relatable approach, clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, takes a hard look at narcissistic abuse and its devastating effects across relationships of all types. Next Up: Narcissism explores all things narcissism and mental health; educating listeners on the patterns of narcissistic abuse, including gaslighting, love bombing, and coercive control. Listen in each week as we breakdown these toxic behaviors, and offer concrete strategies and actionable steps to help you navigate these toxic relationships. Through in-depth discussions, Q&A’s and expert guests, you will learn the skills and tactics to unravel this web of chaos, helping you to move forward into a healthier, happier and healed life.

20 Maalis 20242min

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