017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(511)

466: Ask David: Is friendship a need? Help! I'm lost and alone!

466: Ask David: Is friendship a need? Help! I'm lost and alone!

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465: The Music of TEAM

465: The Music of TEAM

The Music of TEAM-- A Little Different from the Music of REBT! There are many paradoxes in TEAM! That's part of what makes TEAM challenging, but also exciting. Do you know what the plural of paradox i...

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464: Hopelessness: A New Approach

464: Hopelessness: A New Approach

Hopelessness: A New Approach Featuring Mike Christensen Often, therapists are drawn to become specialists in the very area where they once suffered and felt most vulnerable. In Mike's case, he describ...

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463: The Perfectionism Webinar, Part 2 of 2

463: The Perfectionism Webinar, Part 2 of 2

Defeat Perfectionism and Discover the Art of Self-Acceptance Part 2 of 2 Last week, we published Part 1 of the two-hour webinar on techniques to defeat perfectionism. This week, in Part 2 you'll lear...

25 Elo 20251h 1min

462: The Perfectionism Webinar, Part 1 of 2

462: The Perfectionism Webinar, Part 1 of 2

Defeat Perfectionism and Discover the Art of Self-Acceptance Part 1 of 2 This Is for Everyone--Shrinks AND the General Public! On Wednesday, July 9, 2025, Dr. Jill Levitt and I did a FREE, two-hour w...

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461: Ask David: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and More!

461: Ask David: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and More!

Ask David: How to Stop Giving a Crap Motivating a Procrastinator . . . and More The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth...

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460: Ask David: The Fear of Happiness!

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Ask David-- The Fear of Happiness! Although we had five questions for today's Ask David episode, we spend the entire podcast on the first question from a man with an intense fear of happiness. He wrot...

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459: Personal Work with our Beloved Rhonda, Part 2

459: Personal Work with our Beloved Rhonda, Part 2

Part 2 of Our Personal Work with Rhonda The Surprising Conclusion of Rhonda's Session with Matt and David Last week, you heard Part 1 of our personal work--a single two hour therapy session--with Rhon...

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