017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(511)

007: M = Methods (Part 1) — You FEEL the Way You THINK

007: M = Methods (Part 1) — You FEEL the Way You THINK

The three basic principles of CBT: Negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, and anger, do not result from what happens to us, but rather from our thoughts about what's happening. In fact, our tho...

9 Marras 201634min

006: Ask David — Identity Crisis; Finding a CBT Therapist; Love Me the Way I Am

006: Ask David — Identity Crisis; Finding a CBT Therapist; Love Me the Way I Am

Responses to questions submitted by listeners: What causes an "identity crisis?" And how do you treat it? Why is it so hard to find a therapist trained in cognitive therapy? In a relationship, should...

6 Marras 201625min

005: A = Agenda Setting (Part 2) — How to Overcome Therapeutic Resistance: "Dr. Burns, I think I need help with my low self-esteem!"

005: A = Agenda Setting (Part 2) — How to Overcome Therapeutic Resistance: "Dr. Burns, I think I need help with my low self-esteem!"

Dr. Burns suddenly abandons the role of healer and instead assumes the role of the patient's angry, paranoid and defiant resistance.

3 Marras 201636min

004: A = Agenda Setting (Part 1) —The Eight Most Common Forms of Therapeutic Resistance

004: A = Agenda Setting (Part 1) —The Eight Most Common Forms of Therapeutic Resistance

What is therapeutic resistance? You will find out that therapeutic resistance is NOT what you were taught in graduate school or read about in the writings of Sigmund Freud! You will also discover why ...

31 Loka 20161h 3min

003: E = Empathy — Does It Really Make a Difference?

003: E = Empathy — Does It Really Make a Difference?

How an encounter with a patient with paranoid schizophrenia dramatically changed the course of his career The 5 Secrets of Effective Communication How to talk with your EAR Dr. Burns also discusses w...

29 Loka 201639min

002: T = Testing — A Boring Topic with Exciting Implications

002: T = Testing — A Boring Topic with Exciting Implications

In this podcast, Dr. David Burns describes the "Testing" part of the T.E.A.M. model. Topics include: The shocking results of a study of therapist accuracy at Stanford Why therapists who don't test us...

28 Loka 201643min

001: Introduction to the TEAM Model

001: Introduction to the TEAM Model

In this podcast, Drs. Fabrice Nye and David Burns discuss an exciting breakthrough in psychotherapy. Leave your questions and comments below. Also, let us know if you'd like to see certain topics addr...

27 Loka 201630min

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