017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(512)

031: Live Session (Mark) — Agenda Setting Phase (Part 3)

031: Live Session (Mark) — Agenda Setting Phase (Part 3)

In the early days of my career, I (Dr. Burns) would have assumed that Mark definitely wanted to change--after all, he'd been in a lot of pain for a long time, and he came to the session because he wan...

10 Huhti 201731min

030: Live Session (Mark) — Empathy Phase (Part 2)

030: Live Session (Mark) — Empathy Phase (Part 2)

After reviewing Mark's scores on the Brief Mood Survey, the Empathy phase of the session unfolds. During this phase of the session, David and Jill will not try to help, rescue, or save Mark. They will...

3 Huhti 201747min

029: Live Session (Mark) — Introduction & Testing Phase (Part 1)

029: Live Session (Mark) — Introduction & Testing Phase (Part 1)

This is the first in a series of podcasts that will feature live therapy. As you listen, you'll have the opportunity to peak behind closed doors to see how TEAM-CBT actually works in a real-world sett...

27 Maalis 201730min

028: Scared Stiff — The Motivational Model (Part 6)

028: Scared Stiff — The Motivational Model (Part 6)

The key is bringing the patient's subconscious resistance to conscious awareness, and melting it away with paradoxical techniques. This is absolutely critical if you are hoping to see a complete elimi...

20 Maalis 201746min

027: Scared Stiff — The Hidden Emotion Model (Part 5)

027: Scared Stiff — The Hidden Emotion Model (Part 5)

David reminds us about the differences between healthy fear and unhealthy, neurotic anxiety, or an anxiety "disorder" like a phobia, or OCD, and so forth. He explains that negative thoughts, and not e...

13 Maalis 201726min

026: Scared Stiff — The Exposure Model (Part 4)

026: Scared Stiff — The Exposure Model (Part 4)

We begin by describing the three different deaths of the ego that are required for recovery from depression, anxiety, or a relationship conflict, respectively. For depression recovery often results fr...

6 Maalis 201744min

025: Ask David — How do you handle a patient you don't like (or who bores you)?

025: Ask David — How do you handle a patient you don't like (or who bores you)?

David answers these questions: How do you deal with a patient (or friend) who is boring? How do you deal with a patient (or friend) you don't like? How do you get patients to do their psychotherapy ho...

27 Helmi 201737min

024: Scared Stiff — The Cognitive Model (Part 3)

024: Scared Stiff — The Cognitive Model (Part 3)

The cognitive model of anxiety is based on three powerful ideas: Anxiety always results from negative thought (NTs) that involve the prediction of danger. For example, if you have public speaking anx...

20 Helmi 201751min

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