017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(512)

039: Uncovering Techniques (Part 1) — The Individual Downward Arrow

039: Uncovering Techniques (Part 1) — The Individual Downward Arrow

What are the root causes of depression? Anxiety? Relationship problems? In this, and the next two podcasts, you will discover the answer! Cognitive Therapists believe that negative thoughts, or cognit...

5 Kesä 201739min

038: Ask David — Negative Messages from Society

038: Ask David — Negative Messages from Society

A listener named Daisy describes her despair at being unable to have a baby, despite intensive efforts at a fertility clinic. She gets well-meaning messages from friends, family and support groups tha...

29 Touko 201725min

037: Ask David — "My negative thoughts aren't distorted!"

037: Ask David — "My negative thoughts aren't distorted!"

"My problems are real! The world really IS screwed up! And that's not a distortion. So what can I do about my severe depression and anxiety?" David and Fabrice discuss two questions submitted by Feeli...

22 Touko 201725min

036: Ask David — Empowering the Victim With the Five Secrets

036: Ask David — Empowering the Victim With the Five Secrets

A blog reader made a fairly strong and impassioned comment that sometimes asking the patient to examine ways she or he may be contributing to the problem may be a mistake when the patient really IS a ...

15 Touko 201739min

035: Live Session (Mark) — Final Testing, Wrap Up (Part 7)

035: Live Session (Mark) — Final Testing, Wrap Up (Part 7)

This is the last live therapy podcast with Mark, the physician who was convinced he was a failure as a father because of his difficulties forming a close, loving relationship with his oldest son. Alth...

8 Touko 201748min

034: Live Session (Mark) — Methods Phase, cont'd. (Part 6)

034: Live Session (Mark) — Methods Phase, cont'd. (Part 6)

Using the Externalization of Voices, which is arguably the most powerful Cognitive Therapy technique ever created, David & Jill continue encouraging mark to challenge his negative thoughts. The goal o...

1 Touko 201744min

033: Live Session (Mark) — Methods Phase (Part 5)

033: Live Session (Mark) — Methods Phase (Part 5)

David and Jill begin using M = Methods to challenge the Negative Thought Mark wants to work on first: "There must be something defective in my brain that prevents me from forming a loving relationship...

24 Huhti 201749min

032: Live Session (Mark) — Agenda Setting Phase (Part 4)

032: Live Session (Mark) — Agenda Setting Phase (Part 4)

Jill and David encourage Mark to develop his list of positives. Mark draws a blank at first. This is very common among patients and therapists alike. Most of us have not been trained to think about de...

17 Huhti 201735min

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