017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(512)

063: Ask David — What's Good About Hopelessness or Addiction? What Is it to Be a Worthwhile Human Being?

063: Ask David — What's Good About Hopelessness or Addiction? What Is it to Be a Worthwhile Human Being?

Is there anything positive about hopelessness or an addiction ? What does it take to be a "worthwhile" human being, or to have a valuable life? In today's podcast, David and Fabrice address three ques...

20 Marras 201724min

062: Ask David — The Five Secrets of Effective Communication & Psychotherapy Homework

062: Ask David — The Five Secrets of Effective Communication & Psychotherapy Homework

Will people manipulate you if they catch on to the fact that you're using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication? Is it fair to ask depressed patients to do psychotherapy homework between session...

13 Marras 201724min

061: Ask David — Test Validity, Uncovering the Negative Thoughts, Benefits of Laziness, and More...

061: Ask David — Test Validity, Uncovering the Negative Thoughts, Benefits of Laziness, and More...

We address a number of excellent questions submitted by listeners: Are the scales on your Brief Mood Survey reliable and valid? How can I identify my Negative Thoughts when I'm upset but I can't figu...

6 Marras 201737min

060: Self-Monitoring

060: Self-Monitoring

David describes one of the more obscure methods called "Self-Monitoring". He thinks of it as "Meditation in Daily Life." The whole idea is to note a negative thought that suddenly pops into your mind,...

30 Loka 201737min

059: Live Session (Marilyn) — 8-Week Tune-up

059: Live Session (Marilyn) — 8-Week Tune-up

This podcast was recorded eight weeks after the initial session with Marilyn. As you may recall, Marilyn became severely depressed when she discovered that she had Stage 4 Lung cancer. In spite of tha...

26 Loka 20171h 55min

058: Ask David — Third-Wave Therapies & Exposure for OCD

058: Ask David — Third-Wave Therapies & Exposure for OCD

David and Fabrice begin by reading several incredibly touching reader comments on the live therapy with Marilyn. Marilyn experienced a severe depression relapse eight weeks after her initial session w...

23 Loka 201728min

057: Interpersonal Model (Part 4) — "And It's All Your Fault!" The Relationship Journal

057: Interpersonal Model (Part 4) — "And It's All Your Fault!" The Relationship Journal

David emphasizes that the goal of the RJ is not simply to learn how to transform troubled, adversarial relationships into loving ones, but also how to achieve Interpersonal Enlightenment, which is the...

16 Loka 201744min

056: Interpersonal Model (Part 3) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Interpersonal Decision-Making and Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis

056: Interpersonal Model (Part 3) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Interpersonal Decision-Making and Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis

Bob, a psychiatric resident named was treating a divorced woman who complained bitterly about her ex, and constantly argued with him whenever he came to visit with the children. Their relationship was...

9 Loka 201746min

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