098: Live Session (Lee) — Methods, Five Secrets (Part 3)

098: Live Session (Lee) — Methods, Five Secrets (Part 3)

David and Jill do M = Methods, and show Lee how to respond to his wife more skillfully, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication (link). Like everyone who is trying to learn the Five Secrets, Lee struggles with several blind spots:

  • "I Feel" Statements. Lee has tremendous difficulties sharing his feelings openly, in a respectful manner. He seems indoctrinated with the cultural idea that men should not be vulnerable and express feelings.
  • Lee makes the common error of "problem solving" instead of asking his wife to share more of her feelings.
  • Lee makes another common error of apologizing and using the trite phrase "I'm sorry" instead of encouraging his wife to open up. David discusses the different between dysfunctional and effective apologies.

David and Jill do lots of role-play practice with Lee and give him a homework assignment.

T = Testing. After the session is over, Lee completes the Brief Mood Survey again. His scores indicated that his feelings of anxiety and anger have completely disappeared, and he also has a perfect score Positive Feelings Survey and the Relationship Satisfaction Scale. He also gave David and Jill perfect scores on the Empathy and Helpfulness scales and wrote what he liked the best about the session:

"My epiphany came at the moment I realized I had been afraid of emasculating myself and realizing that my vision of what a "man" should be was completely inaccurate."

At the end, Jill reads an emotional email from Lee describing how he relapsed and started arguing with his wife, and then remember to empathize use the Five Secrets instead, with an amazing result!

Jaksot(512)

487: Meet the Incredible Dr. David Antonuccio, Part 1 of 2

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486: Doctor, why won't you ever tell me how you really feel?

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485: Ask David: Schizophrenia; OCD--What REALLY Works?

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Helping a Loved One with Schizophrenia Treating OCD! My Hands Might Be Contaminated! How To Mend an Angry, Broken Heart The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. L...

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484: Live Work with Madeleine, I'm Helpless! Part 3 of 3

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Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 3 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present the live and unedited follow-up session with Madeleine, a loving mother who became terrified when she realized that ...

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483: Live Work with Madeleine, I'm Helpless! Part 2 of 3

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Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 2 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present the exciting conclusion of our work with Madeleine, a loving mother who fears that her eldest daughter might be in m...

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482: Live Work with Madeleine, I'm Helpless! Part 1 of 3

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481: Ask David: Memory Rescripting; Why Can't I Lose Weight? Demons!

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480: Ask David: Helping Someone Who's Suicidal; Worrying about My Daughter's Anxiety; Disarming Yourself

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