160: What If He Secretly Returns to Pornography? How She Can Know, And 5 Ways He Can Rebuild Security

160: What If He Secretly Returns to Pornography? How She Can Know, And 5 Ways He Can Rebuild Security

One of the biggest fears that women have in this process is that her husband will return to pornography since she won't know about it.

She’ll bring down her wall, start to trust him again, and then the other shoe will drop and she'll be devastated again.

How can she know if he is still stuck in his pattern?

If there’s been dishonesty in the past, how can she know if he is telling the truth or not now?

It's critical for a husband to demonstrate change in a way that helps her to believe him again.

It's very discouraging for him when he really is trying and is making progress, but no matter what he does he feels down when she doesn’t believe him.

In this episode I'll share how you can approach this together to help build security and confidence that things really are different as a result of the new actions he's taking.

For therapy with Sam:

I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it.

If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do.

Click here for info to work with me directly.

Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support.

It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men:

Join the Private Group Here

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Jaksot(211)

Instead of Guilt and Shame to Avoid Slips, Do This Instead

Instead of Guilt and Shame to Avoid Slips, Do This Instead

When a man struggles with the pornography addiction, it’s very easy for him to spiral into shame and guilt, which unintentionally can set him back up for another relapse. In this episode, I share with you some very important research about how much more effective response to mistakes or slips to help propel you forward on the path of being successful. Self-compassion is often confused with self-licensing, and in the episode, I talk about how a husband can respond to himself in a compassionate way, which reinforces his commitment to overcoming his addiction.  I also share how a wife can respond without giving him license to continue to fall back into the same patterns.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

8 Joulu 202224min

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

How She Can Feel More Comfortable Bringing Her Wall Down

It can be very difficult for a woman to bring her wall down and decide to trust her husband again after there’s been damage due to a pornography addiction or infidelity. One of the scariest things for her is the possibility of getting hurt again by her husband if he relapses, so it’s easy to keep the guard up. The problem is that the more protected she is behind the wall, progress in the relationship can be negatively impacted.  In this episode, I talk about ways to more comfortably bring the wall down, and how to navigate the fear of getting hurt again. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

1 Joulu 202224min

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When Conversations Break Down Because She Doesn’t Believe Him

When there’s a lack of trust in the relationship due to a pornography addiction, it can be hard for a wife to believe what her husband is saying. So often, there is an impasse in the conversations they have where she feels stuck and he’s not able to move forward because she doesn’t believe him. In this episode I share with you a framework they can help you navigate those tough conversations and difficult moments in order to move forward together and better understand each other. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Marras 202226min

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Key Advice For Breaking Free From Self Criticism and Judgement

Most men who are struggling with pornography addiction are really hard on themselves – they see themselves as bad people, unworthy, broken, or failures. The more somebody is self critical, the more it sets them up to fall right back into the addiction as a way to cope from the pain. This episode reveals one of the most powerful tools to help change how you see yourself, and stop the self shaming that, contributes to depression, anxiety, and other painful emotions. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

11 Marras 202222min

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

What Does a Neuroscientist Report about Pornography and the Brain? (No Judgement)

Does pornography affect the brain neurochemistry? They are finally starting to come out with studies and do research on the impact of pornography has on the brain, and their findings are so important so people can better understand the effects it has.  Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford, shared some important findings in some recent interviews, and in this episode of the podcast, I share with you, some of the takeaways, and how you can apply the latest neuroscience to help you overcome addiction and heal your relationship.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

20 Loka 202230min

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

Would He Have Ever Changed If He Didn’t Get Caught?

So often a wife will wonder if her husband would have ever changed and stopped watching pornography if she didn’t catch him. Most of the time the husband starts taking real action after he’s found out, which can be frustrating and hurtful for a wife. In this episode, I answer the question about whether or not, he would have changed and give you some tools to know how to approach the situation in a way that he actually can change so that you can avoid repeated disclosures and discoveries about the same pattern.   For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

13 Loka 202225min

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Tools to Handle It When Triggers to Act Out Won’t Leave

Triggers and urges for pornography can be completely overwhelming for husbands who are on this journey. There is often a real struggle when the thought to act out surfaces, despite their desire to avoid temptation and relapse.  It’s almost like something outside of them is trying to pull them back into old patterns, and one of the main tools that husbands often use to overcome these triggers, and Temptations is just by trying to willpower their way through, but ultimately will power is a muscle that fatigues and they end up returning to the addiction, despite the best efforts in avoiding it. In this episode, I will share with you too specific tools that you can use in moments of temptation when you get triggered to avoid falling and to ultimately help resolve the reason why it’s happening in the first place.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Loka 202220min

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When He Can’t Answer Her Question ‘Why Did You Do This?’

When there has been betrayal due to a pornography addiction, a woman will often ask her husband why he did, how he could have hurt her like that, why didn’t he consider her or the family, etc. There’s one main reason why oftentimes these discussions lead to frustration, defensiveness, and disconnection, and without addressing it the conversations will continue to go nowhere and leave you feeling hopeless and loss. In this episode I discuss how to navigate that conversation in a way that brings closure and understanding so that you can move forward feeling better about the situation and confident that things can be different.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

29 Syys 202220min

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