339: Theresa A. revisits

🔸 Settling the score with mom.

📌 Theresa followed up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEduv96dMw8

Making good progress with "Defiance" (which is what the part we were working with last session has decided she would like to be called.)

I stayed with her that day, after our session. She was curled up sleeping, and I curled up behind her, as Self. I lay down on my couch to be with her. It immediately became apparent that I should bring my cat who was laying on the "real world" couch with me being the snuggliest being on the planet, to the scene with her, as all of my parts seem to appreciate cats. So there we lay, three spoons, Self the big spoon, her the middle, and Bruno the cat as the littlest spoon.

Although she was asleep at that time, I softly repeated into the back of her head: *I love you exactly as you are. You do not need to be different. You can be angry until the day we die and I will love you. You are perfect. I am here for you always. I love you. I love you. I love you. *

The next day when I checked in again, she was awake. She is still tired, but hopeful. There is a scene that is stuck for her. There was this one time ever, when my mom slapped me across the face for "being smart with her". It was a shock, She did not see it coming. And she, like the "demon child" part wanted to throw a royal fucking fit. I watched her scream at my mom and trash the house, just like Demon Child. This particular incident was so insulting to her. She is not ready to forgive, she just wants to be seen in her anger for now.

I was on a walk yesterday, thinking about her and relistening to the session.... there was no song that day, but yesterday when I relistened, this one came up. It's kindof on the "cheesy" side for most of my parts, but the message is so much in line with her. Can't be rushed to "let go", can't be expected to be different before she had an opportunity to be with Self. "Darkness has its teaching"

🔹 Parts:

• P: Grudge holder, score keeper. still mad at mom, arms crossed, eye rolling. "I receive disdain!" Wanna get even. Isolated. I don’t know how to be different. Concerned about the things that hurt exile didn’t matter, erasing her pain. Mom Speaking about dad, minimizing. Punish mom. I wanna go rest too, but feel stuck.
• P: pinball jumping around
• P: defending mom. Don’t be so harsh.
• E: its pain didn’t matter
• E: can’t handle dads mortality
• E: a baby crying

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