68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals12 Heinä 2020

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.

Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).

Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

21: Biblerella (The Acts of Paul and Thecla)

21: Biblerella (The Acts of Paul and Thecla)

Watch out, Theophiloi -- we've got some high voltage coming your way as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Paul and Thecla. For the first time, we have a real female protagonist who has agency... to ...

7 Loka 20181h 20min

20: Shalom Birdie (Genesis Commentary with David Wolkin)

20: Shalom Birdie (Genesis Commentary with David Wolkin)

This week we're doing something a little different, Theophiloi! Before we finally move on from Genesis, we've invited the Beloved Wolfman, our pal David Wolkin, to talk us through the Torah. He covers...

30 Syys 20181h 29min

19: MBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBaM (The Book of Genesis, Part Four)

19: MBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBaM (The Book of Genesis, Part Four)

It's finally time, Theophiloi, for us to finish our exhausting journey through the extremely bizarre Book of Genesis! This week, it's the life of Joseph and his Completely Ordinary Long-Sleeved Dream ...

23 Syys 20181h 28min

18: Literally and Figuratively Wrestling With God (The Book of Genesis, Part Three)

18: Literally and Figuratively Wrestling With God (The Book of Genesis, Part Three)

Content Warning: We cover the story of Dinah in this episode, which involves a sexual assault. Shanah Tovah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to what we're pretty sure is the world's only Bible podcast! W...

9 Syys 20181h 23min

17: Five Gallons of Bread (The Book of Genesis, Part Two)

17: Five Gallons of Bread (The Book of Genesis, Part Two)

We've got a content warning on this one: This section of Genesis includes some very famous instances of homophobia, sexual assault, and incest. Keep that in mind if you plan on listening this week. J...

27 Elo 20181h 38min

16: Doamurder, West Virginia (The Book of Genesis, Part 1)

16: Doamurder, West Virginia (The Book of Genesis, Part 1)

Ever wonder why we have anxiety, Theophiloi? Perhaps it's because we're sitting down to examine and/or make goofs about the extremely well-known foundational text of at least three major world religio...

19 Elo 20181h 57min

15: An Approximate Week (The Golden Legend: St. Christopher and St. Benedict)

15: An Approximate Week (The Golden Legend: St. Christopher and St. Benedict)

Happy birthday! To you, possibly, to us, definitely, as today (August 12) is Chris's birthday, and Benito's (August 20) is quickly following! To celebrate, we're taking a break from Bible Times to hit...

13 Elo 20181h 37min

14: The Boy-Related Eagle Plan (The Story of Ahikar)

14: The Boy-Related Eagle Plan (The Story of Ahikar)

Get out of the cistern and cut your nails, Theophiloi, because it's time for a brand new episode! Join us as we take on the extremely apocryphal book of Ahikar, Tobit's maybe nephew. This leads us to ...

6 Elo 20181h 22min

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