110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Loka 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Jaksot(126)

45:  Mummy Dust and Skeleton Bones (The Book of Ruth)

45: Mummy Dust and Skeleton Bones (The Book of Ruth)

Hey Theophiloi, good news/bad news. About eight minutes into the recording, Chris's Good Microphone stopped working and so we did an hour of the show with Chris sounding like he was trapped in a hole....

14 Heinä 20191h 13min

44: Terms and Conditions (The Book of Jeremiah, Part 2)

44: Terms and Conditions (The Book of Jeremiah, Part 2)

The boys are back in town, Theophiloi, and we've got some breaking news: it seems the Kingdom of Judah has broken its covenant with the Lord of Hosts and will be punished with sword, famine, and plagu...

23 Kesä 20191h 27min

43: Why Prophets So Nasty? (The Book of Jeremiah)

43: Why Prophets So Nasty? (The Book of Jeremiah)

Well, Theophiloi, it's been a hot minute, but we're back once again with the first half of Jeremiah, which is both the longest book in Bible and also the most unnecessarily long. Here, we'll save you ...

27 Touko 20191h 10min

42: The Roasting of the Apostle Paul (Second Corinthians)

42: The Roasting of the Apostle Paul (Second Corinthians)

Hello, Theophiloi and Cheerful Givers! Looking for a nice way to relax, chill out, and maybe even fall asleep? Good news: we've got the book for you. Our old nemesis St. Paul is back with a second let...

7 Touko 20191h 8min

41: Neo-Mary Is About To E X P L O D E (The Questions of Bartholomew)

41: Neo-Mary Is About To E X P L O D E (The Questions of Bartholomew)

Happy Easter, Theophiloi! He is risen indeed! It's definitely still Easter, so we're back with the Questions of Bartholomew, and friends, let me tell you: he is not the only one with some questions. J...

30 Huhti 20191h 23min

40: Devil Got a Hog (The Book of Enoch, Part Two)

40: Devil Got a Hog (The Book of Enoch, Part Two)

Happy Holy Week, Theophiloi! If you're like your humble Son of Thunder and his friend the Author of All Lies, you have a keen interest in space. If that's the case, then you're going to love learning ...

19 Huhti 20191h 24min

39: Rain is Boy Water (The Book of Enoch, Part One)

39: Rain is Boy Water (The Book of Enoch, Part One)

Happy Apocryphersary, Theophiloi! To celebrate one year of the show, we're launching into one of our most requested texts: the apocalyptic, hallucinatory, and profoundly influential Book of Enoch. Wri...

7 Huhti 20191h 31min

38: Sword Drill Online (Bible Trivia Special)

38: Sword Drill Online (Bible Trivia Special)

Break out the birthday cake, Theophiloi, because as of this show, we've officially been at this for one full year! We're celebrating by pushing the Guessatron 5000 to its limits with a Bible Trivia Qu...

31 Maalis 20191h 5min

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