110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Loka 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Jaksot(126)

13: Bonus Goat (The Deuterocanonical Book of Tobit)

13: Bonus Goat (The Deuterocanonical Book of Tobit)

We are back, Theophiloi! After a bona fide Act of God, we've returned to read the capital-A Apocryphal Book of Tobit, and it is a wild one. Join us for the most canonical of the non-canonical books, i...

30 Heinä 20181h 23min

12: Whomst Was At the Tombst? (The Gospel of John, Part Two)

12: Whomst Was At the Tombst? (The Gospel of John, Part Two)

Okay, Theophiloi, let's get this clear right now: Roy Thomas was the second editor-in-chief of Marvel after Stan Lee, and is often considered to have been the first comics creator to make the leap fro...

15 Heinä 20181h 23min

11: 90s Vertigo Jesus (The Gospel of John, Part One)

11: 90s Vertigo Jesus (The Gospel of John, Part One)

Oh h*ck yeah! Your hosts done done it again, y'all: we goofed around and talked a whole lot about the Gospel of John. You'd think after going through this stuff four times, we'd be a little more effic...

9 Heinä 20181h 25min

10: The Dude Hates Wizards (The Gospel of Luke)

10: The Dude Hates Wizards (The Gospel of Luke)

Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi (and possibly Apocryphinos)! We hope you're ready for some Johnny Bapto content, because that's what we have a lot of this time around, as we go into the Gospel...

2 Heinä 20181h 32min

9: Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (The Gospel of Matthew, Part Two)

9: Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (The Gospel of Matthew, Part Two)

A question for you, Theophiloi: How many times would you like to listen to us go through the Gospel of Matthew? As many as... seven times? Well, you'll have to settle for two, as this week finds us fi...

24 Kesä 20181h 9min

8: What's Up, Doctor Goodacre (The Gospel of Matthew, Part One)

8: What's Up, Doctor Goodacre (The Gospel of Matthew, Part One)

Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi! So remember how last week, we had our longest episode ever? Well, your boys done did it again. We went so deep into the Gospel of Matthew that we wound up reco...

10 Kesä 20181h 9min

7: Neon Genesis Good News (The Gospel of Mark and Secret Mark)

7: Neon Genesis Good News (The Gospel of Mark and Secret Mark)

"When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that He was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked His disciples, 'why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?' When Jesus heard this, He told t...

3 Kesä 20181h 50min

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

"And Isaiah answered and said 'So far as I have utterance, damned and accused be thou and all thy powers and all thy house, for thou canst not take from me aught save the skin of my body.' And they si...

27 Touko 20181h 11min

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