110:  The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
Apocrypals30 Loka 2023

110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.

No, really. That's what the movie is about.

Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"

Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo

Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Jaksot(126)

84: Just One More Thing (The Life of St. Columba)

84: Just One More Thing (The Life of St. Columba)

You know, Theophiloi, my wife, she's a really big fan of these saints these days, so I was wondering if you could help me out here. I've been trying to get through the life of of St. Columba, but ther...

7 Maalis 20211h 37min

83: Speedrun Tactics (The Book of Jubilees, Part 2)

83: Speedrun Tactics (The Book of Jubilees, Part 2)

We have had some points of contention, Theophiloi, but up to this point, it's mostly been about Benito's bizarre and upsetting taste in candy. This time, though, a strong candidate for the worst book ...

21 Helmi 20211h 11min

82: Sedeqetelebab! (The Book of Jubilees)

82: Sedeqetelebab! (The Book of Jubilees)

As you are well aware, Theophiloi, the Book of Genesis is the foundational text of not only multiple major religions, but arguably most of Western literature in general. That said, we can all agree th...

7 Helmi 20211h 34min

81: Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Paul's Letter to the Ephesians)

81: Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Paul's Letter to the Ephesians)

It is with a heavy heart that we must announce that Mr. Paul is at it again, Theophiloi... maybe. In this episode, your humble Sons of Thunder dive into Ephesians, a brief slice of Bible that is relat...

24 Tammi 20211h 19min

80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)

80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)

CONTENT WARNING: The text covered in this episode contains a scene of sexual assault, discussed starting at 1:38:00. Happy Gentile New Year, Theophiloi! Like Merle Haggard, we have made it through Dec...

10 Tammi 20211h 54min

Bonus: Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Christmas Gift Exchange 2020)

Bonus: Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Christmas Gift Exchange 2020)

Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! We've wrapped up the show for the year, but before we get to these last few days of kicking back with a nice hot chocolate and a cup of coffee for St. Lucy, we're inviting ...

21 Joulu 202016min

79: Marys Christmas (The Infancy Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew)

79: Marys Christmas (The Infancy Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew)

Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! It's our favorite time of the year, and that means we're once again reading the story about how an angel came down to herald the birth of a child whose divine nature would ...

13 Joulu 20201h 49min

78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)

78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)

Chag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go throug...

29 Marras 20201h 48min

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