222. Healing from co-dependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism in your dating life with Victoria Albina

222. Healing from co-dependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism in your dating life with Victoria Albina

Ready to stop emotional outsourcing and start owning your worth in dating and beyond? If you've ever struggled with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the exhausting cycle of codependency, this episode will feel like a deep exhale. Lily invites her brilliant friend and colleague, Victoria Albina, to explore what it takes to recognize the patterns that no longer serve you and break free from them—so you can finally show up as the main character in your life.

Through an intersectional feminist lens, Victoria redefines the trope of codependency as "emotional outsourcing," helping us see how it impacts not just our relationships but how we exist in the world. Together, they explore how our nervous system shapes our sense of safety and belonging, offering practical tools for reconnecting with self-love and grounding in our voice and intentions.

We get into:

  • How emotional outsourcing holds you back from being your authentic self
  • The three essential emotional needs: safety, belonging, and worth
  • An in-depth look at the nervous system and its role in fight, flight, fawn, and freeze responses
  • Grounding techniques to help you reconnect with self-love and intention
  • How to expand your capacity for feeling good, seen, and safe

Links:

✨ Register for The Late Bloomer's Guide to a Confident Holiday Season


Victoria's website

Victoria on Instagram

Feminist Wellness

Free meditations from Victoria for Date Brazen Listeners: VictoriaAlbina.com/lily

Show notes:
http://datebrazen.com/blog/healing-from-codependency-with-victoria-albina

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286. Stop Freezing Around Cute People

286. Stop Freezing Around Cute People

If you want to date IRL and find your person, but you see someone cute and your body locks up, this episode is for you. Freezing is a somatic response. It is your nervous system protecting you from f...

13 Loka 19min

285. How to date men when you hate men

285. How to date men when you hate men

How do you date men when you hate men? It can be a tough question, especially if you've never seen that what you want and who you want exists. Both/and in this episode, I'm your feminist dating coac...

6 Loka 10min

284. Make dating apps optional: A roadmap to attract the right relationship IRL

284. Make dating apps optional: A roadmap to attract the right relationship IRL

You don't have to be on dating apps to be "trying" in your dating life. This episode gives you the alternative strategy that has worked for hundreds of my clients (and worked for me to meet my husband...

29 Syys 24min

283. My story: from people pleasing and settling in dating, to attracting more as the main character (and how you can, too)

283. My story: from people pleasing and settling in dating, to attracting more as the main character (and how you can, too)

In episode 283, I'm getting personal about how people pleasing made me settle in dating, friendship, and work, how it led to panic attacks on my lunch break, and the three-step formula I used to quit,...

22 Syys 31min

282. "It's scary to want things." How to stop people pleasing and attract what you actually want, with my client Jackie

282. "It's scary to want things." How to stop people pleasing and attract what you actually want, with my client Jackie

Jackie was burnt out to a crisp. She was in a job she felt trapped in, because the story was that she had to be of service no matter how she felt. She had taken a sabbatical that was supposed to be tw...

15 Syys 54min

281. When is the right time to have sex? (and why you keep asking everyone but yourself)

281. When is the right time to have sex? (and why you keep asking everyone but yourself)

The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So when you're stressed about the question "when is the right time to have sex??" and outsource your answer to another dating expert or another ...

8 Syys 26min

280. The Sneaky Ways You're People Pleasing (and How to Stop)

280. The Sneaky Ways You're People Pleasing (and How to Stop)

The good, reliable, everyone-comes-to-me best friend. You've been praised for that role your whole life. What if it's the reason you can't get yourself to shoot your shot, ask for more, or take up spa...

1 Syys 26min

279. Decide You're the One: How to Get Over the Fear That You're Not Enough

279. Decide You're the One: How to Get Over the Fear That You're Not Enough

You've been waiting to feel ready. Ready enough to launch the thing, shoot your shot, ask for the promotion you've been researching and figuring out the pitch for for months. Here's the hot take: you'...

25 Elo 30min

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