Ep. 243 - Shawn Stevenson: The ONLY Health Podcast You'll Ever Need to Hear

Mark Manson is a writer, blogger and author of the "New York Times" bestseller, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F-ck". Visit his blog, markmanson.net, to read some of his best articles on self improvement, dating and relationships, culture and life choices.   2 mins - I tell Mark why I didn't initially want him in the show... and why I changed my mind 4 mins - Mark and I first met at a friend's poker game. then I ran into him a few weeks later. But I didn't remember meeting. "Hi I'm James," I said. Then I remembered. And I realized he was the guy from the poker game... the guy who's name I kept trying to figure out all night. "I just thought you were a chill guy," Mark said. We laughed. That's how I'd like to start all new moments in life. With a laugh. 8 min - Mark says where he got the inspiration to write his bestselling book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" 10 min - We talk about what "giving a fuck" actually means. And how to decide what's worthwhile. "I joke around with a lot of people," Mark said. "I say I wanted to write a book about values...but I knew if I wrote a book about values no one would read it. So I put the F word everywhere. Because essentially what giving a fuck is is you are deciding what you care about. You are deciding what you value in your life." 12 min - So then I ask Mark how you get started? 14 min - We talk about people pleasing. And self absorption. "It's very common in the self help world to say, 'Be true to yourself and follow your feelings.' That's nice and everything, but if I went out to 6th Avenue and started peeing on the corner just because I feel like it..." I interrupted. "Is that your true passion? Peeing in 6th Ave. That's your truth?" "Yes this is my truth at the moment..." Then he got serious. "We live in a society. We're inner-dependent on each other in many ways. So there's tension between what you yourself want and what's also good for the community around you. And that's hard. I think a lot of people suffer because that balance has gotten out of whack too far one way or the other. Either their constantly people-pleasing or they're constantly selfish and self-absorbed." 15 min - I feel everyone starts out people pleasing. And adulthood is when you cross into being more independent. Not necessary self absorbed, but the part of your brain that works to increase your livelihood and sense of survival kicks in. And the struggle is to let go of the "people pleasing" aspect. The part of you that needs approval. I still struggle with this. "Choosing yourself" is choosing to give yourself the stamp of approval. I try this everyday. 17 min - Mark sold drugs when he was 13. Someone told the principal and he got kicked out of school. Six months later his parents got a divorce. 22  min - So I asked, "What do you think your parents could have or should have done differently in this situation?" 28 min - There's a trick to having a good relationship, he told me... it's sort of an equation. Or a scale. 31 min - He fell into a "bottomless pit" of approval. He chased every woman on campus. And learned the rules of attraction. He told me about the really sleazy pick up lines he'd use. "Does that stuff work?"I asked. "It attracts  really insecure women," he said. And that led to his dating theory: you end up attracting what you put out. 33 min - He took what he learned about dating to build a coaching business. 35 min - We talk about Tucker Max's books and how they're often taken the wrong way. 41 min - Mark started traveling and living off his online business. He got serious about his writing. 43 min - Mark explains the attachment theory 45 min - He read "The Four Hour Workweek," by Tim Ferriss. And based his nomadic life around it.  But traveling forced Mark into avoiding intimacy. He kept leaving friends behind. And later learned what he really wanted... 47 min - I asked Mark, "When did you start... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

10 Elo 20171h 21min

DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE, TO BUILD A LIFE WORTH LOVING "I was shot twice by the time I was 13," Wally told me. "I owned six guns. Everyone I grew up with then is dead," he said. He then walked back to his side of the ping pong table. He took out his iPhone. Using his iPhone as the racket, he served the ball. He beat me 11-0. "Ok," he said, "everything you are doing is wrong." ------ The way I held the racket was wrong.  The way I stood with my legs was wrong.  The way I hit the ball and then the way I followed through after the hit was all wrong.  The angle of my wrist was wrong as I waited for the ball to come to my side was wrong.  The way I held the racket at a slight angle to the table was wrong.  My backhand was all wrong.  The way I had grown up and lived my life was mostly wrong. He kept streaming shots at me non-stop. "No, no, no," he said. "No! Go up!...No!...Close the racket...No!...Use the other foot to shift weight...No! No!" So we stopped. He came over to my side of the table. He was looking down. I was afraid he was thinking, "why am I doing this?" He stood behind me and grabbed my arm and moved it up as if I were hitting the ball. "See!," he said. "Like this. Like this." I wanted to be friends. ---- I've been playing ping pong for 40 years. I had a table as a kid. My dad and I would play every night. We would play for hours. And during the day, my friend Jonathan and I would play matches up to 100 every day. I thought I was good. Now, after taking lessons for several months, I realized that 100% of what I had been doing for 40 years was wrong. Everything. I was good enough to beat people who grew up with a ping pong table. But I was really bad. "When I went to North Korea," Wally told me and then he started laughing, "those players were scary good." ---- Wally started playing ping pong. Someone saw his skill, and, as these things go, sent him away. In order to come back you have to go away. He went to Germany to study ping pong with pros. Pretty soon he was the best. "I've played every sport," he told me. "Wrestling, basketball, boxing, tennis, paddle tennis. Ping pong is the hardest. "You have to think of everything. For instance, there's 1000s of ways to serve. And there's so many things to think about when you return the ball. You have to think several moves ahead." Wally has seen me play chess. "It's EXACTLY like chess. But also physical." We were having a three hour lesson that day. It ended with me doing a backhand-backhand-forehand-forehand, then forehand at the other end of the table - then random. Then start over. He shot 100 balls at me one after the other. "Again! Again! Good! No! No! No! Close the racket! You're crossing over when you follow through. Just go up!" Ugh. I had too many bad habits. I kept doing them. How do I stop the bad habits? 40 years of bad habits are hard to get rid of. It's like being afraid to say "no" after 40 years of telling everyone "yes". We took a break. "Why did you go to North Korea?" "I like to do things that are BIG. Every year I want to make sure I do something really big. Really special. "I saw the North Koreans were listing a tournament so I applied and I got in! I was the only non-Asian there. "Once I got there they took my phone. I had no way of getting in touch with the outside world for ten days. Couldn't call my wife. If something happened there was no proof I was even there. "So I just played ping pong. And they were GOOD!" ---- "Not only were the better than me," he said, "but the entire crowd was cheering for them and booing constantly at me. "So I decided, forget this. Let's have fun with this. Let's make crazy shots. Let's jump up and down after every point. Let's get the crowd laughing and jumping with me. I focused on the crowd. "At first they were surprised. And then they started laughing with me. They were cheering me. I was losing but it didn't matter. We were... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Elo 20171h 13min

Shane Snow is a well known journalist, entrepreneur, co-founder of the content technology company, Contently, and bestselling author of "Smartcuts: The Breakthrough of Lateral Thinking". You can find his writing in "Wired", "The New Yorker", and "Fast Company" and a dozen more top publications. ------------What do YOU think of the show? Head to JamesAltucherShow.com/listeners and fill out a short survey that will help us better tailor the podcast to our audience!Are you interested in getting direct answers from James about your question on a podcast? Go to JamesAltucherShow.com/AskAltucher and send in your questions to be answered on the air!------------Visit Notepd.com to read our idea lists & sign up to create your own!My new book, Skip the Line, is out! Make sure you get a copy wherever books are sold!Join the You Should Run for President 2.0 Facebook Group, where we discuss why you should run for President.I write about all my podcasts! Check out the full post and learn what I learned at jamesaltuchershow.com------------Thank you so much for listening! If you like this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe to "The James Altucher Show" wherever you get your podcasts: Apple PodcastsiHeart RadioSpotifyFollow me on social media:YouTubeTwitterFacebookLinkedIn See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

1 Elo 20171h 25min

Jason Calacanis is an angel investor, serial entrepreneur, writer and blogger. He is the founder and CEO of inside.com. Listen to Jason's podcast, "This Week In Startups", interesting stories from the world of entrepreneurship. ------------What do YOU think of the show? Head to JamesAltucherShow.com/listeners and fill out a short survey that will help us better tailor the podcast to our audience!Are you interested in getting direct answers from James about your question on a podcast? Go to JamesAltucherShow.com/AskAltucher and send in your questions to be answered on the air!------------Visit Notepd.com to read our idea lists & sign up to create your own!My new book, Skip the Line, is out! Make sure you get a copy wherever books are sold!Join the You Should Run for President 2.0 Facebook Group, where we discuss why you should run for President.I write about all my podcasts! Check out the full post and learn what I learned at jamesaltuchershow.com------------Thank you so much for listening! If you like this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe to "The James Altucher Show" wherever you get your podcasts: Apple PodcastsiHeart RadioSpotifyFollow me on social media:YouTubeTwitterFacebookLinkedIn See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

27 Heinä 20171h 23min

When Patton Oswalt, one of the top comedians over the past several decades, was going through the worst experiences of his life this past year, he wrote an entire post about one joke Gary Gulman made. ONE JOKE. Oswalt starts off: "This is...so perfect." I like the pause in there. LIke there are no words so he had to notch himself down even though it doesn't express exactly what he wants to say: ... "so perfect". He analyzes Gary's joke and why it's so difficult to do a joke like this (nobody sees how the sausage is made, they only see the final joke after years of perfecting). Patton closes with: "Thank you Gary Gulman. I know a lot of my shit's gonna get angry these next four years, but it's stuff like what Gary's doing that reminds me I gotta make sure it's funny first. Angry doesn't change shit. Funny disarms the horde." Gary is one of the best in the world. And no matter what area of life you want to improve in, studying in detail someone who is among the best, will up your game. It ups my game. I am infinitely frail. I fall apart at the slightest resistance. I sometimes can't handle it. I sometimes can't handle failing. I don't always believe you learn from failure. But studying the best, makes my brain feel good. Like it's being nourished. And that often gives me the strength to persist. For the past five months I've been going up on a stage 2-3 times a week and performing standup comedy in front of an audience. Often the other performers are people who were on the Colbert Show the night before. Or just released an hour-long Netflix special. So I have to up my game all the time. I want to be "one of them". And I don't want people in the audience to be able to tell that I'm different. Plus, I get scared to death. I am honestly so scared I am about to cry every time I am about to go on stage. Even if I'm going on stage to perform just five minutes of jokes. Five minutes is an eternity. What I realized, and will save for a future post, is that there are at least 20 or 30 (and probably much more) "micro-skills" that I could not have possibly imagined when trying to get better at standup comedy. I've been public speaking for 20 years. Is it that different? Yes. Which is why I had to have Gary Gulman on the podcast. One of the best in the world. I said above "five minutes is an eternity". Gary told one joke on Conan in 2016 that lasted six minutes. One joke where (and I measured it) he gets laughs every ten to fifteen seconds throughout. He uses every skill in the comic's toolbox. And probably many more that I haven't been able to understand yet. I printed up the joke. I gave it to Gary. I said, "I want to analyze this joke word by word." The first thing he said is, "This almost depresses me". "How come?" "It took years to write this joke. And the others that I came out with around then. It's so hard. Sometimes I can't' even get up because it's so hard to do this." What follows is one of my favorite podcasts. We cover his career, the techniques he learned and how he learned them. We cover the depression and anxiety and fear that goes into building any career out of excellence. We cover the micro-skills. No matter what you do in life, the one who masters all the master skills of your field of endeavor will be the one who rises to the top. How do you identify those skills? How do you master them? And we analyze this joke. To see the joke, Google: "Youtube Gary Gulman Conan States". It's his 7/13/16 performance. Watch it first.   Here are some things I learned: Part A) DELIVERY 1. COMMITMENT The whole joke is about the states and how they were abbreviated. Gary walks out on stage, "I just wanted to recommend a documentary to everyone and then I'm going to go." Everyone laughs. No one believes him. But he's totally COMMITTED to the joke. In the podcast he says, "I'm bragging, really. Because I know I have something in my pocket that... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

25 Heinä 20171h 23min

Alex Berenson had the dream job. But he was unhappy. And perhaps it even scarred him in some ways.   He switched it up. To his true dreams. To the dreams he had for himself since he was a child.   I want to do this.   First off, Alex has written 11 bestselling thriller novels. Alex knows how to get the reader to turn the page and ask, "What happens next?!"   This is an unbelievably hard skill.   But it's not the  most  important skill when you are moving into your dream job.   I will tell you the most important skill. And Alex explains more clearly how he did it when we are in the podcast.   The most important  skill is to have this weird sort of "active arrogance".   Here's the gap: The best in your profession have skills, experience, and they know how to sit down and DO something every day.   The beginners: they WANT to do something. They PLAN to do something. They SAY they will eventually do it. They THINK they have the skills they need.   But they never do it.   The ones who succeeed. They have the arrogance to think they can just simply sit down and do it. .Despite not having the skills. Despite being total amataurs. They simply sit down and DO IT.   By doing it, you LEARN the skills, you DO the job [a first novel in Alex's case], and you get better.   DOING is the only way to succeed. Most poeple stop before this point. Alex didn't.   And thank god. Because his 11 bestsellers have been lifesavers for me. A way for me to dream. A way for me to escape.   Here's how Alex did it: [6:25] - Create your own universe   "In 2003 and 2004, I went to Iraq for the paper," he said (he worked at The New York Times). "The war had ended, supposedly... we deposed Saddam. Most reporters go during the 'active phase,' so The Times said any cub reporter could put their hand up and go. So I put my hand up." Then he came back and realized he had stories. And John Wells was born. Alex has written 11 bestsellers. All page-turners. I wanted to know what made him start writing thrillers. I've always thought of writing fiction. I still wonder if that's what's next.   Here's what he told me, "In my universe, nobody lies to me. They can lie to each other, they can even lie to themselves, they cannot lie to me." [11:00] - Some luck goes unnoticed   "Coming back to the states was a shock," he said. "The wastefulness of this country really smacks you when you've been away for a while, certainly in a place like that."   "What do you mean? What's an example?"   "I think the example that struck me is the electrical grid."   We take it for granted that the lights go on. And then use them like crazy. I live in NY. The lights are always on. It doesn't matter what time. And I never think about it. "American is a place of abundance," Alex said. "I guess that's a good thing. It's better to be rich than poor but realize that 80% of the world is never going to live in conditions anything like this. It really does just smack you in the face to realize how lucky we are and how little we realize that." [12:00] - Choose yourself I asked Alex if he thinks we're becoming complacent as a society. "Thats a real fear," Alex said. There are two sides. One side is if you give people everything will they stop wanting to work? Will they say they have enough. And give up.   But then the other side is you work so hard and go nowhere. "The flip side of that is if you make the system so unfair that nobody believes hard work can get you ahead, they're not going to work either."   And I think that's why work should be more than a paycheck. There has to be a vision. And following that vision is how you choose yourself.   [15:00] - Have a little arrogance   Alex said a lot of reporters want to write novels. He was one of them. But there's something that separates those who write from those who don't...   "I did something arrogant," he said. "I wrote a novel."   So I wondered if that's... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

20 Heinä 20171h 34min

Ryan Holiday, stop writing books that are just for me! With "Perennial Seller" you just answered an obsessive question I've had for years: What makes something, someone, some product, some art, withstand the test of time? What is the magic sauce? The secret formula? What makes something sell a million copies a year (music, art, books, products, etc)... forever? I want to know. I'll try my best to summarize our conversation and your book but people should buy the book for your 1000s of examples:   BE COUNTERINTUITIVE If you write what everyone else is already thinking, then nobody needs to read your work, or use your product. They already have it. It doesn't matter if you are 50% better than anyone else. Nobody understands how to judge that except the experts in your field. And those experts don't care about you. They might even hate you. Create your own field. And be 1000% the best in that field.   DON'T TRY TO COMPETE The 100th person who writes a "50 Shades of Grey" style book, or a disco pop EMD album can...MAYBE...get 1% of the audience. If you find an underserved audience, you can get 100% of it. There's an important side effect of this: IF YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING FOR THE MONEY...YOU LOSE. Because the rest of the world is competing for that dollar. Money is a side effect of creativity, quality art, creating something unique, and building your marketing into that art.   VALIDATE THE IDEA Test out sample chapters. Release songs on YouTube. Keep iterating. Keep digging for your authentic voice. In comedy, it took Louis CK 20 years of telling jokes before he found his voice when talking about dating and parenting. Don't look for LOTs of fans at first. Look for the hard-core fans. The ones who will stick with you while you go on this crazy ride. The ones who will share. What my prior podcast guest, Kevin Kelly, calls "The One Thousand True Fans".   DON'T GIVE UP IF YOU DON'T WIN ON DAY ONE Ryan told me that "Smokey and the Bandit" beat "Star Wars" at the box office the same weekend they both opened. I did not know that! It almost seems like blasphemy to me. John Grisham only sold a few thousand copies when he first published "A Time To Kill". Only much later did it sell millions. Catcher in the Rye had a slow start. Now sells a million copies a year. The best works of art and the best products have to fight the masses to find their right audience. But when they do, the audience will reward them. Write or create what is unique to you, find the 1000 true fans. The ones who are hard-core and love the value you bring. And serve that market over and over. That divides the winners from the non-winners.   TELL A STORY THAT IS PERSONAL TO YOU "Choose Yourself" could have been another ranty personal development business book ("Blah!"). Instead I wove in a personal story of struggle and loss and pain. Pain that changed me and still does every single day to (hopefully) lesser extent. This is what makes a story both unique (it's my story) and universal (everyone experiences pain, everyone wants to solve it). Too many people play a persona ("my life is perfect so let me teach it to you") and that's inauthentic.   TELL A STORY THAT RESONATES WITH EVERYONE Star Wars is a perfect example. It's the 'arc of the hero'. A boy who struggles, encounters problems, faces them, lives forever. I.e. Jesus. Krishna. Buddha. Star Wars is a sci-fi western (great example of "idea sex") where he innovated on the graphics but used a story that was basically "Focus grouped" for thousands of years. Thousands! So he stuck within the rules of a genre (actually several that he combined) but also made it uniquely his own. This is the key to successful art. Telling a story that is personal to you AND resonates with everyone is very difficult. It takes practice. It takes marketing. It takes listening. That's why these are the items that become perennial sellers. It's worth... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

18 Heinä 20171h 27min