572 - Chris Distefano - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

If Water drinking had a Super Bowl, this episode would be it. Pick your sides and deal with the results cause after this one, there will only be ONE. The Water Gawd.  If thrive to be the best is that like striving to be the best? What if you have 4 teeth? Can you still be the best? Now add 400 or so pounds. Yup, the best.  We love coaches and mentors as much as anyone else, but when said mentor speaks directly and curses non stop, well then we fall in love.  Daniel Pena is straight forward and doesn't worry about feelings. Gnaw mean?  Plus, let's get to the bottom of Bart being fat. This episode has BOTH sides of the story.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Kesä 20161h 42min

H2O and H2NO if you ask Tommy, the self-proclaimed "water champ." But Tina, she has other ideas up her sleeve, including a very sneaky plan that she reveals in this episode.  PLUS, pig-calling, mastering accents, more fat Bert fun and then some, Ya feel us?  To bring it home we have yet another Hall of Fame call from Top Dog and this time he weighs in on Double Pipe Classics.  You can never have too much denim.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Kesä 20161h 27min

If there's one thing about black women that are about to throw down in public, it's LET THEM SPEAK. Something really great and probably funny that you never could have thought of is gonna fly.  We have a new message to the Fuhrer from Dani and this one involves food and emergency services at Sea! How fat is Bert? Very. How aware is Bert that he is fat? We happen to think not enough. Look deep inside yourself and try to find a fun, effective way to let Bert know that he is fat and find out WHY he's that fat.  We have Persian translations, IRISH AKA English translations, Would You Rather's and a WHOLE lot more!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Kesä 20161h 42min

If you puke on TV but then keep doing your TV job, you are what we call a PROFESSIONAL. Shout out to SWEDEN! Do you like rats? Do you have kids? Are you super lonely? Here's a tip: ditch the rats, keep the kids and someone worthwhile will come in to your life. It's just that rat "thing" that's keeping people away.  Our Super Jew producer brought us a video about how to spot a Jew. But, like we said, he's a Jew. We don't know what he's up to but it feels really Jewey.  The Master Of Accents is BACK! Will he finally be defeated by an inimitable cadence?  Plus FAN MAIL, PATREON, and TINA JEANS is hitting the road again. Get those JEANS ON!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Kesä 20161h 48min

PATREON, I told you to put that down! Also, sign up for Patreon, ya'll! You'll get extra bonus content, inside denim access, personal shout outs and more!   WOW! say it again! WOW! Open your mouth so the whole dog can fit in the bathtub! Today we discover which gender we are (it's really changing at every moment). Plus Bert Is Fat and Why Is Bert So Fat really took off! We have all the fat comments.  Dental Updates, dating inflatable animals, Joey Diaz being a SAVAGE and more! NO LOOSE DENIM ALLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Kesä 20161h 44min

Morning news is the best. It opens the doors to grown up jokes about "Salad Tossing" (with real salads!) PLUS DJ Dad Mouth gets to muck around and have some fun! If you're gonna talk that ISH before you arm-wrestle, make sure you, you know, WIN.  Unbelievably, the girl who was defending Hitler on YouTube was kicked off for HATE speech. Weird that YouTube doesn't know that Hitler watches YouTube all day.  This episode is completely non-binary so please use proper pronouns. It's not a preference, it's a REQUIREMENT.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Touko 20161h 38min

Did Bunz touch the sacred spot with Tina only mere feet away? JEANS. Which Braxton are you today? Is it the one that's DATING Birdman? WUUUUUT. Tom's awesome jacket is way cooler than Tina's art teacher jacket. Have you seen it? No, seriously, have you? The master of accents becomes even more masterful in this one. PLUS, was Hitler THAT bad?  Would You Rather's, Fan Mail, Seagal, Butt hair and MORE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Touko 20161h 37min

You see thing about pimpin, man. You want a happy ho. Happy ho's eat, sad ho's don't. If you want to keep your stable out there and earnin then keep your ho's happy.  This is the only podcast that provides cool insight like that. Also, Top Dog did it again. Yup, you guessed it, his face meat hit the numbers on the phone when we spoke to him. Oh yeah, he sharted too. Great story. All that and more. Just get your jeans on.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Touko 20161h 18min