99 Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern
Playing With Fire11 Helmi 2023

99 Balancing individuation & secure attachment with Polysecure author Jessica Fern

It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure.

It's normal to want to individuate.

It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy.

But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections?

Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment theory. Y'all are smart- and she's done a lot of interviews already (google is your friend), so I wanted to go deeper and find out how Jessica weaves other theories into her work and how she helps people move out of relational trauma loops and into the life they desire.

Jealousy, internal family systems/parts work, and narrative therapy... oh, and some sneak peeks of Jessica's upcoming book Polywise!


Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.

Learn more at www.JessicaFern.com


Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com

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Jaksot(258)

253 The Shadow of Compersion

253 The Shadow of Compersion

Compersion – feeling joy for another person’s joy – is a beautiful thing, especially when it comes to non-monogamy. But, like anything that’s bright and shiny, there’s a shadow side to compersion, and...

15 Elo 43min

252 Triad Life in a World of Couples with Margo, Jody & Chris

252 Triad Life in a World of Couples with Margo, Jody & Chris

Relationships are messy, and when you re-imagine life with three instead of two, well, let's just say the complexity multiplies in ways you might not expect, even if you've been practicing non-monogam...

1 Elo 1h 15min

251 Trailblazing vs Following: The Hidden Dynamic That May Be Creating Resentment

251 Trailblazing vs Following: The Hidden Dynamic That May Be Creating Resentment

When a couple opens their relationship, there’s almost always one partner who tends to take more initiative – to seek out information, read all the books, listen to podcasts, find a poly-aware therapi...

18 Heinä 48min

250 Relationship Re‑Imagination: The Framework

250 Relationship Re‑Imagination: The Framework

To celebrate hitting 250 episodes of Playing With Fire, we’re diving deep into something we've been asked about constantly since our first episode on it over a year ago: Relationship Re-Imagination.We...

4 Heinä 2h 24min

[Replay] 194 Re-Imagining Relationships

[Replay] 194 Re-Imagining Relationships

When something isn't working, even if you’ve been practicing non-monogamy for a long time, it’s really easy to default into the monogamous paradigm, which offers only a few set options. But what if th...

27 Kesä 51min

249 Is Your Non‑Monogamy Actually Just Two Monogamies?

249 Is Your Non‑Monogamy Actually Just Two Monogamies?

So you made the transition to non-monogamy… but you ended up feeling like you’re living two separate parallel lives in different relationships. This might not seem like that big a deal from the outsid...

20 Kesä 48min

248 Beyond People-Pleasing: Practicing Healthy Autonomy in Relationships

248 Beyond People-Pleasing: Practicing Healthy Autonomy in Relationships

People pleasing is not an effective strategy on the path to healthy, conscious relating. But adopting an approach towards autonomy that amounts to ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’ is…not it either. These...

13 Kesä 44min

247 Non-Monogamy, Mono-Mind: The Invisible Scripts Running Your Communication

247 Non-Monogamy, Mono-Mind: The Invisible Scripts Running Your Communication

Chances are, if you know one thing about conscious relating, it’s that communication is key. And if you’re good at communicating in monogamous relationships, you might think that those skills will eas...

6 Kesä 42min

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