The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Thursday, Nov. 16, 2017

Thursday, Nov. 16, 2017

The American-led battle against the Islamic State has been hailed as the most precise air campaign in history. But its airstrikes have killed far more Iraqi civilians than anyone has acknowledged. The survivors of those strikes have been left wondering why their families were targeted. Guests: Basim Razzo, who survived an airstrike on his home in Mosul, Iraq; Azmat Khan, an investigative reporter who has been looking into civilian deaths in the fight against ISIS. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Marras 201721min

Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2017

Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2017

In a marathon session before Congress, Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied lying about Russian contacts in earlier testimony and sidestepped questions about feeling pressure from President Trump to investigate Hillary Clinton and Uranium One. Guests: Matt Apuzzo, who covers the Justice Department for The New York Times; Michael S. Schmidt, who covers national security. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. [AUDIO PLAYER DESCRIPTION] Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied lying to Congress about Russian contacts and sidestepped questions about feeling pressure to investigate Hillary Clinton. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

15 Marras 201721min

Tuesday, Nov. 14, 2017

Tuesday, Nov. 14, 2017

A fifth woman has come forward to accuse Roy S. Moore, the Republican Senate candidate in Alabama, of sexually assaulting her when she was a teenager. Mr. Moore has doubled down on claims of a Democratic conspiracy, while Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, has said, “I believe the women.” And we look at how YouTube is being used to game the news. Guests: Sheryl Gay Stolberg, congressional correspondent for The New York Times; Kevin Roose, who writes about technology. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

14 Marras 201724min

Monday, Nov. 13, 2017

Monday, Nov. 13, 2017

The House speaker, Paul D. Ryan, says the Republican tax plan would help the middle class. But that assumes that savings for the wealthy would trickle down the economic pyramid. Guest: Peter S. Goodman, an economics correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

13 Marras 201719min

Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

Stephen K. Bannon has declared war on the Republican Party. He may no longer be in the White House as President Trump’s chief strategist, but he says that only makes him stronger. In an exclusive interview with The New York Times, he shares his battle plan for the soul of America. Guest: Jeremy W. Peters, who interviewed Mr. Bannon. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Marras 201726min

Thursday, Nov. 9, 2017

Thursday, Nov. 9, 2017

The results of Tuesday’s elections are being called a rejection of President Trump. But Stephen K. Bannon, the president’s former chief strategist, says that’s all wrong. Also, the man who helped Texas to become one of the most gun-friendly states in America says the shooting at a church in Sutherland Springs will, if anything, strengthen the state’s relationship to firearms. Guests: Jeremy W. Peters, a New York Times reporter based in Washington, who interviewed Mr. Bannon; Jerry Patterson, who wrote the 1995 law that gave Texans the right to carry concealed weapons. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Marras 201722min

Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2017

Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2017

A 16-year-old boy who sometimes wore skirts and makeup to school was killed in Iowa. Then the Justice Department sent a federal hate-crimes lawyer to aid in the prosecution. The trial has become part of the national debate over gender identity. Guests: Monica Davey, The New York Times’s Chicago bureau chief; Matt Apuzzo, who covers law enforcement; Shaunda Campbell, a former counselor at Burlington High School; Tremell Jones, a friend who was with Kedarie Johnson the night he was killed. Sabrina Tavernise is our host; Michael Barbaro will return tomorrow. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

8 Marras 201726min

Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2017

Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2017

A domestic violence conviction should have stopped Devin P. Kelley from purchasing guns, including the rifle used in a shooting that left at least 26 people dead at a church in Sutherland Springs, Tex. We look at why it didn’t. Also, a pattern is emerging between President Trump and the court system. Guests: Dave Philipps, who covers veterans and the military for The New York Times; Adam Liptak, who covers the Supreme Court, in conversation with Sabrina Tavernise. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

7 Marras 201723min

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