Episode 37 | The Fight Within

As We Celebrate The Rerelease Of My Brother C.J.’s Book, Journey, I Felt It Right To Speak Upon The Journey That One Undergoes, When Creating... It Took Me A While To Fully Grasp The Concept Of Documenting Journeys, From Start To Finish, Especially As The Journeys Pertain To End-Products That Bring Value To The End-Consumer, And Fellow Stakeholders Alike. When I Reflect On How I Got To Where I Am Today, As A Professional Creative, I Can’t Help But Draw Inspiration From What I’ve Had To Overcome. It’s The Nights Where I Slept With Nothing More Than Two Slices Of Bread In My Belly, That Fuel Me To Create Today, Because I Learned How To Fight Through The Obstacles, And Create Back Then. That Rather Personal Reminder, Of My Driving Forces, Was Called Back To Mind Earlier This Week; In Conversation With Someone Rather Dear To My Heart; I Was Reminded Of My Own Hard-Fought Battles With Mental Wellness... I Guess I’d Grown To See My Battles With Anxiety & Depression, As So Much Of A Superpower, That I’d Begun To Neglect How I Initially Battled To Come To Terms With My “Condition”.

I Suffer From An Acute Form Of Social Anxiety Disorder, I Tell My Shrink That It Emanates From My 'Rentals Leaving Me Free To Roam Around Shops Before I Could Barely Walk, But I Know It’s Deeply Rooted In My Innate Desire To Be A Care Bear... I’m So Preoccupied With Fixing People, Places & Things, That I Get Thrown Off By Chaos In Certain Spaces, Or People... It’s This Very Same Anxiety, That Fuels Me To Create Content That Speaks To Often Taboo, Or Underrepresented Topics Within Our Society. With That Contrasting View On My Mental Health Issues, I’m Now Able To Draw Inspiration From My Moments Of Anxiety, And Use Them To Create A Better Reality, Which Also Serves To Heal Me A Lot More Effectively, As I Relearn The True Importance Of All That I Am, Good, Bad, Or Indifferent. It’s Much The Same With My Depression - Which Often Originates From A Feeling Of Helplessness, As It Pertains To Me Fully Serving My Purpose, As A Contributing Member Of Society - When I’m Down On Myself, It’s Because Of The Actions That I’m NOT Undertaking, To Correct The Wrongs That Held / Hold Us Back As A Generation, Because I Know That I CAN Always Do Something, To Help Better Any Situation. I Take Heart From My Battles With Mental Health; From My Self-Harm, To My Depression, Anxiety, And Substance Abuse; I’m Now Able To See My Mental Health Struggles As Something Of A Superpower, One That Allows Me To Tap Into The Highest Possible Me, Affording Me The Opportunities I Need To Delve Deeper Into My Being, And Fully Unlock Who I May Be.

To Win The Fight Within, We've Often Had To Fight Against Countless External Factors, Factors That We Couldn't Control - Part Of The Journey Is Documenting The Process, To Remind Yourself Of What You Overcame, And Hopefully Inspire Others Along Their Journeys As Well - What Separates Me Today, From The Person I Used To Be, Is My Ability To Fight Till The Death, For The Right Cause... There Was A Time When It Seemed Like All I’d Do Was Fight; Fighting To Be Understood As Selflessly I Understand, Fighting To Be Loved As Intensely As I Love, Fighting To Be Respected As Humbly As I Respect, Fighting To Be Believed In As Purely As I Believe In Others; I Still Fight Everyday, But Now It’s A Different Fight, Because I Fight To Be The Best Possible Version Of Myself, Every Waking Moment, Of Everyday, Knowing That The Best, Truest Version Of Me, Is Far Greater Than The Morbid Shell Of Myself, Who I Allowed To Be Hollowed Out By Anxiety’s, Depression, Insecurities, And Self-Doubt.

Dear African Child, Please Keep Fighting The Good Fight, I Know It Ain’t Easy, And We Battle With A Shit-Load Of Kak, As A Generation, Mara There Is No Other Way But Up, When You’ve Been Kicked Down, The Way We Children Of Africa Have Moered Since Before Our Birth.

Keep On Journeying...

Peace Unto You All!

Lesedi, Kganya!