204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

204. Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust

How to have the conversations that are most difficult — and most important.


Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen, who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution.

"The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story," explains Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. When entering challenging interactions, she recommends a powerful shift where we consider that our perspective is only one side of the story. "If I can shift my purpose from convincing you of something to just understanding how you see it and why we might see it differently, that actually is more likely to generate a good conversation with less defensiveness for both of us."

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high.

Episode Reference Links:


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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (00:43) - Managing Anxiety in Tough Conversations
  • (02:57) - Why Emotions Matter
  • (06:05) - Shifting the Story We Tell Ourselves
  • (07:23) - Starting with the Real Issue
  • (09:02) - Getting Unstuck in Conflict
  • (12:00) - ACE: The Three Types of Feedback
  • (15:02) - Making Feedback Actionable
  • (17:22) - Finding Common Ground
  • (18:59) - The Final Three Questions
  • (26:14) - Conclusion

Jaksot(261)

12. It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It: How To Communicate Power

12. It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It: How To Communicate Power

Power exists in every relationship — whether we like that idea or not — and to be effective in any role, power needs to be understood. In this episode, Matt Abrahams sits down with Professor of Organizational Behavior Deborah Gruenfeld to discuss her new book, Acting with Power: Why We Are More Powerful Than We Believe. Deborah shares how body language can give us power, or take it from us, and advises how we can use power for good. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

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10. High-Stakes Communication: How to Manage Anxiety When Speaking in Front of Others

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9. Quick Thinks: How Being Present-Oriented Improves Communication

9. Quick Thinks: How Being Present-Oriented Improves Communication

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7. Quick Thinks: Use This Framework to Speak up in Virtual Meetings

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We've all been in the situation where you have something important to contribute to a meeting and you don't know how to insert your thoughts. On this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, podcast host Matt Abrahams offers the three ways to insert your ideas, either by paraphrasing, asking a question, or stating an emotion. He also outlines the "What, So What, Now What" framework and explains how to use this structure to communicate your ideas more effectively. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********This episode is sponsored by Grammarly. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. Download Grammarly for free today Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

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6. Quick Thinks: Communicating and Leading Virtually

6. Quick Thinks: Communicating and Leading Virtually

Leading successful meetings remotely and being a strong speaker on-screen require specific skills. Communicating effectively has to do with your presence, ability to leverage tools, and your audience engagement. In this Quick Thinks episode, Stanford GSB Strategic Communications lecturer Matt Abrahams shares best practices for becoming a more effective and engaging online communicator.  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********This episode is sponsored by Grammarly. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. Download Grammarly for free today Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.

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5. From Monologue to Dialogue: How to Handle a Skeptical Audience

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